what do you think of my writing?

Question

ok so this is a little prologue of something that i came up with. i'm 17 and i love to write and wish to pursue it as a future career. so tell me what you think. please feel free to criticize anything you wish.i know im not excellent at it and i may bore you but i hope you like it.its a prologue and it may not make sense but i just wish to know if it flows or it sucks you in.ur feedback will help me so much! thanks:

The cold crisp air of the night hit her face and whistled past her ears as she blindly raced in the darkness. Giant trees loomed before her- big shadows that forced her to weave and doge quickly. Her feet pounded the earth of the forest madly and she felt her lungs burning with an unquenchable fire.Short ragged breaths came from her and her blood was laced with fear. This same fear that had paralyzed her at first spurred her whole body into motion and sent the trees blurring past her vision. This fear could only be caused by one thing: something or rather someone, was after her.
The creature, she was familiar with, was unthinkably a demon. She could hear his breath also, less audible, but loud in the silent night, moments behind her as she tried to avoid the branches of trees which reached out and clawed her skin. The forest stretched on and her desperate eyes sought an open vastness, that was safety. Suddenly, she collided into a tree, the equivalent of a brick wall. Pain encapsulated her thoughts as she felt her skull crack. Her partially conscious mind screamed in relief to the fact that she was no longer running. Her comfort was shortlived, when she suddenly felt something was terribly wrong. The usual prickle of alarm ticked at the back of her head when suddenly, the grip of something- someone- clung to her neck, her shoulders and hair, clawing and flailing at her. Her spine felt rigid of ice and kept her from moving. She felt rather than heard the deep rumblings of a growl and opened a piercing scream from within her lungs. An opening, not of herself miraculously could be felt before her and light, more bright than the morning sun pierced her closed eyes. Someone, she thought, had come to rescue her........

Answer 1

There are a few mistakes like no space between a full stop and the next sentence, and you say 'doge' instead of dodge, etc, but you mention that it's a rough draft. Just read through it, I'm sure you'll fix it up(:



Okay. I haven't even read half yet and I love it because of your writing style, choice of words and I can picture everything so clearly, this is amazing for a rough draft. Although I think you might have a bit of purple prose in their, like:

'Pain encapsulated her thoughts as she felt her skull crack.' Encapsulated? I don't even think I've head someone use that word, when it could easily be something like surrounded instead of trying to make it sound extravagant. Also 'Suddenly, she collided into a tree, the equivalent of a brick wall.' I'm not too sure, my grammar isn't that great, but do you mean 'collided with'?



I think it's really good, it didn't have the hook that I'd expected at the end, but I would definitely read on after that. Although I find it hard to picture the scene when she gets attacked. I'm not too sure if she's still on the ground, or if it's picked her up off the ground. If it was clawing and failing at her, wouldn't she be in some pain? Does this creature have actual claws? Maybe clarify that a bit.



I really don't understand 'An opening, not of herself miraculously could be felt before her and light, more bright than the morning sun pierced her closed eyes.' and I read it about three times. Maybe some rephrasing?



Anyway, I still think it's wonderful for a rough draft(: These are just suggestions and my opinion to help you improve, not bash your writing, but then again I'm no expert.



~Nicole.xx

Answer 2

Listen to a crap load of music. Since the guitar is obviously very simular to a piano, I find listening to many classical pieces, speradically puts something into my head. One other thing, I usually start out playing a riff extremely slow. I am talking like 15 to 20 BPM. This gives me an exact feel for what I am playing from the start, being able to remove misplaced notes, or even an entire scale. Then while escalading the tempo more things come to light. So in my obscure process the start to a riff may be the same or total oposite from the original when 20 BPM turns into 200 BPM

Answer 3

This is really really good, I am only 13 but also want to be a writer and this is much better than anything I have ever written. Very good description and nice use of words. I know a lot of people who will randomly stick big words in their stories to make them sound smart but they will put them in the wrong place and it wont make sense. I think you would make a very good writer and I really want you to post more up so I can read more!