Need help with my writing?

Question

PLEASE CAN YOU IDENTIFY ANY GRAMMAR OR PUNCTUATION ERRORS-RIGHT DOWN TO THE MISUSE OF COMMAS AND SEMI-COLONS ETC.
HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED SINCE THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR ME IN TERMS OF WORK AND I AM NOT GREAT AT ENGLISH.


THANK YOU.
Constructive criticism please.
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UK Language please not US.

It was a typical day. Doctor Miller had arrived at his customary time with a fresh supply of medication and updates for my uncle and I on Gran’s progress, which to say the least, was declining day-by-day. From the onset of her illness, I had essentially taken on the roles of homemaker and caregiver, overseeing the everyday tasks of the household. I had to – it wasn’t optional; there was no one else. I was a prisoner. Freedom was a privilege. Though even if I could have left her side, my mind would have remained there with her. The fifth of July will remain etched in my mind for many years to come. It was the day my Gran died. I remember the dialling of 999, the three numbers which before were a ‘no-go’ zone. I remember Gran being connected to different wires and tubes as she was hastily rushed on the trolley to the ambulance, with its luminous blue lights spanning the distance of the street. I remember the hospital – the wait. The seemingly eternal wait. The nurse slowly leading me to the ward where I was to find my Gran. Dead. Gone. I can still hear the sound coming from me: a screeching bellow issuing forth from my lungs – a sound I had not heard before, nor since. I relive the nightmare. I relive the fear of letting Gran go. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I reflect on what scared me most – being alone. She was the only one I trusted, the only one I had left.

Answer 1

HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO POST THIS????



It started off good, and you had lot of good feed back of us when you first started posting this. But it hasn't gotten any better. All of us on here are fed up of it, (or those who go on here everyday, (like me))



Everyday, you post this like 3 or 4 times a day. We are all helpful on here, but when we go on and read this, it may bring back some bad memories. Nobody wants to keep on reading about a dead gran, I'm even upset for you posting this because it reminds me of my nan. So, you've been asked nicely by me, and another whole lot of people, to stop posting this because it makes them feel sad. So I ask you nicely again, would you please stop posting this.

Answer 2

I want to be a writer when I grow up but you did miss some.



It was a typical day(today). Doctor Miller had arrived at his customary time with a fresh supply of medication and updates for my uncle(.) _and_ I, on Gran’s progress, which to say the least, was declining day-by-day. From the onset of her illness, I had essentially taken on the roles of homemaker and caregiver(.) overseeing the everyday tasks of the household. I had to – it wasn’t optional; there was no one else. I was a prisoner. Freedom was a privilege. Though even if I could have left her side, my mind would have remained there with her. The fifth of July will remain etched in my mind for many years to come. It was the day my Gran died. I remember the dialling of 999, the three numbers which before were a ‘no-go’ zone. I remember Gran being connected to different wires and tubes as she was hastily rushed on the trolley to the ambulance, with its luminous blue lights spanning the distance of the street. I remember the hospital – the wait. The seemingly eternal wait. The nurse slowly leading me to the ward where I was to find my Gran. Dead. Gone. I can still hear the sound coming from me: a screeching bellow issuing forth from my lungs – a sound I had not heard before, nor since. I relive the nightmare. I relive the fear of letting Gran go. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I reflect on what scared me most – being alone. She was the only one I trusted, the only one I had left.



()= mistake

_WORD_=cross out



and just capitalize some at periods



btw great story it was good and sad :(

Answer 3

It was a typical day. Doctor Miller had arrived at his customary time; with a fresh supply of medication and updates for my uncle. I on Gran’s progress - which to say the least; was declining day-by-day.

From the onset of her illness, I had essentially taken on the roles of homemaker and caregiver; overseeing the everyday tasks of the household. I had to – it wasn't optional. There was no one else...I was a prisoner.

Freedom was a privilege, though even if I could have left her side; my mind would have remained there with her.

"The fifth of July" will remain etched in my mind for many years to come...It was the day my Gran died. I remember vividly the hurried dialling of "999"- the three numbers which before were a ‘no-go’ zone. I remember Gran being connected to different wires and tubes as she was hastily rushed on the trolley to the ambulance, its luminous blue lights spanning the distance of the street.

I remember the hospital...the wait.



The seemingly eternal wait...



The nurse. Slowly leading me to the ward, where I was to find my Gran.

Dead.

Gone.

I can still hear the sound coming from me. A "screeching bellow" issuing forth from my lungs – a sound I had not heard before, nor since... I relive the nightmare. I relive the fear of letting Gran go.

The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.



I reflect on what scared me most; being alone. She was the only one I trusted.



The only one I had left.







This is absolutely beautiful. I don't have any criticism - I've only changed a few words and paragraphs around to make it look more attractive. But honestly, this is so gorgeous - you are an excellent writer, really talented.

It reminded me of my gran <3 x

Answer 4

what you're really after is a site or a book which can explain grammar and the use of punctuation.

www.strunkandwhite.com is the classic grammar site. It's possible punctuation is on there too, if not, try putting 'punctuation' in google.

At the end of the paragraph you have started to use too many 'I's which stand out and start to bore a reader.There are ways to make first person writing seem less 'I' ridden. Good luck, and please make this the final time of this paragraph on here.

Answer 5

The thing about this Gran story is this: You have been asked nicely to stop posting things about this dead person by many of the contributors on B&A. None of us wants to be posted on a dead person day after day after day - talking about dead people is boring - so stop boring us. Take a hint. The death of Gran isn't what we want to be faced with everyday so stop it. Now, I know you're not going to stop so, will you please stick to the rules: Rule # 3) They require that the persons in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

Where you fail writing rule # 3 is the reader cannot tell the corpse from what you keep posting about the corpse... your writing is as dead as the corpse. My god how many times can you write (dead) Gran (who is still dead no matter how many times you write Gran) in one short paragraph? Making the rest of us face the old dead dead dead dead Gran day after day on your part is macabre - stop it!

Answer 6

First of all, there is a considerable amount of vocabulary that has been misused. I'm going to be harsh, because writing is so competitive, and tell you exactly how I feel: meh. There is much to be improved upon, not only in the written language, but I feel as though the topic in general has been exhausted, it feels too trite to me, I feel as if I am reading something that has already been written before (and in a better prose). I recommend you read some more novels and better develop your sense of sentence structure. I can tell your strong point will be in developing your characters, though try not to focus too much on one particular emotion, if that makes any sense. Good luck with your writing, I hope my brutality has not offended you too deeply.



Oh, and as far as punctuation, stop-using-lines-to-space-your-words. It is not necessary or professional. Most of your sentences are very short and therefore do not require commas. Practice writing in a 'stream of consciousness' sort of way to create long and stylistically beautiful sentences, though be careful not to make them too long. Then again, there is nothing wrong with sentences that are condensed as long as they contain meaningful information and correspond well with your main idea.

Answer 7

I think it's all good, but I would break it down a bit into different paragraphs. It's a very big chunk of text.

Answer 8

i feel u got it perfect