How do you like my Writing...Advice Please I need to work on alot I know?

Question

“So why’s a beautiful lady like you single?” Chase asked taking a sip from his wine glass.
“I’ve been cheated on countless times and I have trust issues” she answered.
“Tell me about it” Chase thought about his mother cheating on his father.
“You know I like when a guy is straight up with me because he’d never know what could be tolerated if he were just honest”
“I understand you completely” Chase said.
Tamia threw her whole glass of wine back and was pouring another glass.
“Wow do you drink often” Chase laughed.
“I do really morning,noon, and night” she said seriously.
Chase was taken aback.
Tamia was now on her third glass and he could tell she was a little tipsy and more relaxed.
“As I was saying earlier I love when a man is honest and tells me the truth."
"I hate to be led on tell me what it is that you want from me a relationship or just sex” she said with passion.
“Yes I understand you” Chase said starting to think maybe Tamia had an alcohol problem.
“So tell me what you want from me?” she stated boldly.
Chase was caught offguard with her question. He barely knew the woman to telll whether he wanted a relationship but he clearly wanted sex.
“When I met you I thought you were beautiful” Chase didn’t get a chance to finish his answer before she interrupted.
“All my life mean have just wanted sex from me Sex,Sex,Sex!’ she said loudly causing others in the resturaunt to turn and look at their table.
Chase was deeply embarrassed.
She started to cry and that made everything worse.
“All my life I’ve been used and abused” she cried.
“Ok calm down sweetheart everything will be okay” Chase tried to console her but wasn’t sure how.
She had just drank damn near a whole bottle of wine in less than fifteen minutes.
Chase asked for the Tab to their meals. He was ready to get out of there and as far away from Tamia as possible. He couldn’t afford another nut on his hands. Natalie was enough.
On the ride home Tamia fell asleep. When Chase pulled up to her community he shook her lightly to wake up. When she didn’t move he got scared.
“Tamia! Tamia!’ What did I get myself into he thought. This girl better not die in my presence he prayed. When she refused to wake up he floored his Benz heading to the hospital. He pulled up in the emergency entrance of Washington Hospital Center and got out to flag someone for help while still remaining near her. An employee called a code overhead and transporters rushed out placing her on a bed and wheeling her in a hurry. Chase wanted to just leave her there but then again he didn’t want to be accused of anything. He ended up waiting in the visitor’s hall regretting his day. Natalie wouldn’t stop calling which made his nerves worse.
“Natalie what the **** do you want I can’t talk right now!” he yelled not caring who heard him.
“Why are you catching an attitude with me, you promised me that we would spend the night together” she pouted.
“Natalie I had a long night it’s 2 in the morning go to sleep and I’ll call you tomorrow” he hung up.
She didn’t call back like she usually did when she didn’t get her way. She wasn’t too proud to beg. But she could sense that Chase was definitely not in the mood.

It was 10am when Tamia came walking out of her room. Wearing her dress and hospital footies. She was carrying her clutch purse and heels in her hand. Her hair was still in place and she looked beautiful even waking up from a drunk stupor but Chase still made up his mind not to see her again.
“I’m so sorry Chase that you had to go through this with me” Tamia looked hurt and embarrassed.
“No problem all that matters is you’re okay” Chase rubbed her back.
The ride home was silent and Tamia stared out of her window.
Chase couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. He had no idea what her problems were but he knew they were pretty severe considering her alcohol problem. He just didn’t have room for anymore sadness in his life. He had his own problems.
Tamia opened the door and got out of the car.
“Again I’m sorry and I understand if you don’t want to see me again I am in no shape to have a man right now’ she said.
“Just get well sweetheart you are very beautiful, we all have problems but alcohol doesn’t solve any of them” he said.
She gave him a half smile.
“Take care Chase, see you at the gym I guess” she waved bye.
Chase returned the wave watching her place her key in the door. He’d always make sure a woman got in the house safely

Answer 1

I thought it was actually really good although Chase could be a little dirtier minded, although he's a gentleman he is also over come by sexual desire maybe add in something like " as he tried to fight the urge to look down her cleavage." You may disagree but it sounds like he was interested in her sexually until she had a clear problem and I love the intimacy into which you've gone into his thoughts I think you could just go a bit further. It was a fun read though i'm glad she didn't die in one massive cliché from the alcohol.



good work :D

Answer 2

Plot seems like it could work. There are a lot of punctuation errors, run on sentences that could use semi-colons or commas to shorten them. Then there's the fact that you need to maybe space this out more. Since if this was how you put it into a book, people would not read it because some of it is difficult to see who the speaker is. Thoughts either need quotation marks or apostrophes.



Plot seems that maybe if I got the whole thing that it could be a decent book. Work on the writing skills first though.

Answer 3

Cut down on dialogue, it takes a lot of space. You can also skip out on the narration of internal monologue by replacing it with descriptions of the character's actions.



For example, if Tania's head lolled to the side, it communicates that she's drunk more memorably than Chase thinking; "she's drunk."



Or if Chase felt his eye twitch and bit his lip, it shows him being frustrated better than saying "Chase was frustrated."

Answer 4

Good writing makes for good story, but need to take care; typos though only saw one: All my life "mean" I think too that many will be able to identify with it such as having girlfriend who is alcoholic. Sad though to help them get it sorted and afterward be ditched, but don't think yours is going to end that way somehow...

Answer 5

i don't mean to discourage you but it is rather horribly written, it doesn't have good grammar or punctuation and the vocabulary used was quite blunt and primitive. the plot is dull and quite meaningless. you require some practice. good luck on improving!