what do you think of this story begining? honest opinions?

Question

chapter one: Tazeim

"what about this?"
"No." I have already told my brother that fifty times today.
" what about this?" He holds up a rock with dried mud leftover.
" No," i Replied as i looked at that disgusting 'treasure', as he calls it.
" what about this?" I looked up from my basket of laundry. He was pointing to his chest. For good luck, he wore a pendant that strapped around a brown bag that laid against his scrawny, eight-year-old chest. In it was lucky sand from the beach.
I sighed. " No Zavhariah."
" oh, Come on Tazeim." He puffed out his lips and his eyes grew, creating the puppy-dog face. " This was from Aunty Miriam." I had to agree, Aunty Miriam gave people gifts that would make you feel guilty if you traded it for something. But this was different. We were moving to a new town. in America. Not Portugal. We had to hide our identities. All of the villagers and caravans had to.
" I promise you it will be fun," I tried my best to urge him," Now put it in our trunk. Mami is waiting for us outside. Papi is with Saphire and Finnie." they were the horses that carried our traveling wagon.
I could tell he didn't want to, I did not want to leave either. but it was because all of the gypsies are being kicked out of the country. Now we are ready. Now lets start our new lives in a place called Massachusetts.

Answer 1

I really liked the names and basis is good so far keep up the good work.

Answer 2

Honestly I love it it makes me curious to know whats going ot happen. It is a real attention grabber and i love it i hope you write a whole book so i can read it i wanna know what happens so badly its a really good beging and its diffrent to but i mean i have read 1,23,000 books in my lifetime and im gonna be truthful i love it you just reall got me because as it starts out you have no clue the answers to the questions stuck in my head i love it your a real natural at writing:)



ღೋ "ṡмιℓεṡ, ℓυν ƒяøм мε τø ⓨⓞⓤღೋ

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥♥

Answer 3

1

Answer 4

Zavhariah, Tazeim, papi, mami, are names that have exactly 0 (Zero) connections to Portugal...

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I like the story line... around what time period is it set in?And I think you need to improve on your grammar. It sounds very interesting, though.

Answer 7

good, to be honest, better than any beginning of a story ive written. i am not good with beginnings lol

Answer 8

punctuation isn't right..

it doesn't really 'pop' for me, but that might just be the fact that stories like these aren't really my fave-

Answer 9

it is okay. a few misspellings though.