Traveler
2007-07-18 20:22:40 UTC
I feel that twenty years of rejections under my belt qualifies me as an expert on failed relationships. I do not have a PhD in psychology, but I am sure I have more expertise in this department than any psychiatrist.
I will attest to the fact that attractiveness has little to do with attraction. Attitude is more important. An air of entitlement goes a long way where as a cute female, who is sweet, is a walking advertisement for everyman who has ever been rejected to abuse her.
Standing on a busy street corner in NYC one evening, there had to be more than twenty other females standing around me at the light, and yet an older heavy set man in an expensive gray suit and pink silk shirt saturated with his own drunken vomit zeroed picked me right out in the crowd!
“You think you are too good for me don’t you?” His blood shot eyes and pin point pupils angrily peered into my big blue eyes and I froze with fear.
“Run” I heard my best friend Kate instructing me to save myself. Her voice felt like I was given permission to ignore him, while natural instincts wanted me to stay and defend myself. I actually considered, momentarily, staying there to tell a drunken hostile man twice my size that I am a nice person.
His hand grabbed my red satin skirt as I lounged into the crowd to cross the street. Kate quickly slapped his hand and he let go of me as a stranger pulled me out of his reach. The light turned red again with him trapped on the other side accusing me of being a snooty *****.
I felt bad for him on some level, but I was not the one to comfort him. I was young and felt misunderstood. What I did take away from this experience combined with a few similar ones is that when my chemistry clashes with any man’s, there is nothing I can do to fix the situation and walking away is the only solution.
Professionally I experienced similar behaviors. One physical obviously hated me before we even shared a patient. He was insulting and argumentative, but the icing on the cake was the day he walked over to where I was sitting and writing my notes. The unit was unusually quiet. The lights were low and it was stormy outside making the light from the windows eerily gray. He sat beside me and I felt like a mouse trapped by a cat.
“I want to have an intelligent conversation with you” he began.
I was shaking, but I still looked over at the sleazy little imp he was. I said nothing.
“Is there anything at all inside that pretty little head of yours?” he then asked me. “Do you know anything about anything? I really want to hear you say something intelligent!” he continued to provoke me.
I was shaking and I felt embarrassed as I looked up to see another physican standing there in front of me. That physician said, “I can’t believe you just said that to her”.
His minimal encouragement gave me the gumph I needed to say, “Yes, I do. I know you are an a...hole!”
He became humiliated and angered, standing up he ran out the automatic unit doors which caught his stethoscope and pulled the end off… doink, doink, doink was heard, then he came back in to snatch it off the floor.
Technically both these situations qualify as rejections because both were motivated by my being the opposite sex. Some opinions may differ. The first was a man explaining that I was not his type because he felt I was a snooty *****, which contributed to him acting irrational and the second was his desire to humiliate me for some unknown reason.
My first real relationship ended because we lived too far apart and neither of us was in a position to move. This was followed by a ten month relationship with a gentleman who was only twenty years my senior, but I looked young for my age which made him look like my grandfather with his arms around me. I was mature enough to not care what others think until I found out about his pregnant wife who lived in another city where she worked.
I swore I would be more cautious and never date a married man again. This is actually much easier said than done. If one were to take a poll in a mixed crowd, 90% of men asked if they ever cheated on their mate will answer “no way”. This means that unfortunately I meet other 10 % who simply can’t remember their commitment to the woman who lives with them.
Being a typical female, I have fallen for my share of Don Juan’s. Who could resist an attorney that follows you to the bathroom and waits outside the door so that you don’t get away? I accepted his invitation to walk outside and even enjoyed kissing this handsome stranger with strong masculine hands. It came his turn to use the men’s room, but instead of walking back into the bar, he peed on my front tire right in front of me! My dreams of becoming his wife drizzled in a yellow stream down the tar parking lot. He insisted I was his dream girl. I got in my car and drove away.
I professed my love to men who were mean to me, and I ran from those who were obsessed. I cried when dumped by men who told me I was ugly, even though I never considered accepting a second date- and those who had the nerve to call me back, I toyed with telling each “you deserve someone who is already perfect! I refuse to let you settle with me.”
I believe both men and women equally have it tough when attraction comes into play. I certainly am not an expert on dating, but if you ever need advice about rejection, I am an expert!