Im Writing a story and need a little help the rest of it?

Question

After they had them all they put them in the wagon with the rest of the town. Seeing the town fade in the distance Max cried a little to herself thinking "when will i see freedom again? or my home and grandparents?" She cried the whole way threw the mountains, and the dessert and finally threw the last of the woods, she stopped crying and started thinking where they were.

"Women to the left, men to the right if u dont wanna get hurt do it nicely and move." one of the grunts was saying over and over, Max and her family were last she kept hearing "where are we?" and "why are we here?"

She wanted the answers herself. The walls were made of wood but inside the wood was metal so it would not help trying to cut threw the wall, as Max and her family were being seperated she kept trying to get to her father and brothers but was pushed in the cell and locked down to the floor with big metal chains just like the rest of the girls.

The next day Max and the girls woke to the men and boys sceaming, they were being taged. This Tall dark and evil man came and grabbed Max by her hair and dragged her over to him and grabbed the metal brander and marked her, she screamed so loud, she didnt think she could talk anymore. When Max woke up the next morning her sisters and the girls were all there, the mothers were gone. She huddled next to Snow she was shivering and she had a fever (they had no medicines to help her). Max was scared that she would lose Snow and her parents would be able to know.

A week past with them just sitting in their cages, Snow had not changed a bit she still had a fever. Max had to save her little sister so she started screaming that someone needed to help, Then this Beautiful Man walked in and came over and took Snow and left, Max has not seen her since. Finally there was some news, but not what she wanted to hear they were all being taken to the Guild, they train hero's and kill the ones who cant do magic. Max and her family were safe tho they had stong magic in their family for generations. Max's great great great great grandpa had fire magic and he married a strong water type, his son married a strong earth type, his daughter married a metal type, and her daughter married a air type. All the magic grew and passed on threw the years.

Max didnt know she had the powers or she would have found out she could have saved her sister. But that was only the beginning.

this is the middle/ beginning still so help me out and look at the other one too
Im Writing a story and need a little help
i had to start a new one cuz i dont know how to do any more additions to the other one

Answer 1

You need to use more descriptive. Make it a little like this, example-

The grunts had rounded everyone up and pulled them over to the brown wagon. She glanced back once more, watching her home town fade further away. She wanted to reach her hands out to touch it, but one, she was to far across the roads to see it now, and two, her hands were tied by tight knots in her thick ropes. Max turned to her mother. "When will we be free, when will I see home again, when will I ever see Grandpa and Grandma again?" She started to cry as her mother leaned to hug her.

Answer 2

Lots of spelling errors, you don't need more description, but you need to look at the pacing. You crossed half the continent in a paragraph. You don't explain what grunts are. Some type of bad guy, but if you also throw in magic, you need to write about what sort of world this is with magic in it. This girl is captured, but we need to know something about her before that happens, so we'll care about her.

Answer 3

i in my opinion like, you have have been given something which makes me prefer to be attentive to something of the story! yet as a substitute of "despatched a chilly chill out by my soul" i think of it's going to be, "despatched a chilly chill out down my backbone".