Question:
What do you think of my book?
AmethystKrystal
2009-06-07 08:02:43 UTC
I'm 13 years old. I just finished my book and I want to know what people think. Constructive criticism is welcome :) .

Here is the Prolouge and Chapter 1

PROLOGUE



The last of the huge crowd proceeded into the cathedral and crowded the endless rows of seats that filled the great hall. A large platform standing about a foot from the floor was raised prominent for all to see just several feet away from the first row. On the far right of the platform, a man stood behind a tall podium carved out of polished wood; he was wearing a navy robe, a bejeweled crown that sat upon his thick brown hair that fell just below his shoulders, and was clutching a handkerchief that he occasionally wiped over his moustache and a bushy beard. He was a tall and chunky man and may have been more intimidating if he wasn’t shaking uncontrollably and more so if there weren’t tears falling like raindrops from his red-rimmed eyes.

A large, golden casket stood behind the grieving man. The covering of the domed coffin was made of glass. Inside the casket lay a woman, with golden hair that fanned outwards and was intertwined with tiny rubies in her golden locks. The peaceful woman was wearing a sleeveless periwinkle gown and golden slippers on her feet; her stomach was rounded like she was having a baby; her angelic face was heart-shaped, and her eyes were closed as if she were asleep.

The man behind the podium cleared his throat loudly and the room became silent. He began to speak in a choked voice: “I would like to thank you all for coming to Queen Amethila Elastian’s funeral,” he paused, dabbing his eyes with the handkerchief and gesturing to the woman in the box. His heart felt heavy, like it was weighing down his chest. Again he spoke, almost choking on every word: “As her husband, King Bryran of Calitha, I am deeply saddened but I’m also overjoyed. I know you are wondering what became of our unborn princesses of Calitha, since Amethila was pregnant when she passed. I will now confirm that the queen died giving birth to our twins. Obviously she did not die in vain. Now I present to you Princess Carolia and Princess Kyristol.”

The mourners murmured and bowed as servants brought out two small baby cribs that were embroidered with jewels. One baby was squirming and making gurgling sounds while the other was sleeping. Both had small tiaras on their heads. King Bryran couldn’t help but smile at the babies. The happiness his daughters brought him managed to fight the sadness in his heart. He cleared his throat again and spoke.

“I have another very important announcement,” said the disheartened king. “I officially declare that Princess Carolia Elastian will be officially betrothed to Williamo Ballert’s, six week old son of the Secretary of the Affairs of Hags. Kyristol will be betrothed to Zilliam Cartrandham’s three week old son of the Secretary of Pixies and Fairies. My announcements are done. …I leave you all now to pay your respects. ”

The king stepped back from the podium and stood off to the side of the casket with his newborn twins as the mourners lined up to say farewell to their beloved queen.

















CHAPTER 1



“Remember: a familiar is your animal companion …only if it gives you its consent,” said a thin old woman with short white hair and half-moon glasses, writing her words on a blackboard in the tiny, drafty classroom. Four student desks took up most of the space, leaving the walls to be crowded with bookshelves and posters.
The fourteen year old princess sitting in one of the desks had long, brown hair that waved gently down her back and her eyes were the color of the sea. She wore a turquoise gown and a silver tiara. She didn’t care very much about this lesson and, in her worn leather notebook using a fine quill, she wrote the initials KC+ZC repeatedly in fancy calligraphy.

“Kyristol, are you paying attention!”

“Yes ma’am.” Her voice quivered as she slammed the notebook shut to conceal the letters.

“Then tell me what I just said about familiars.”

“I don’t know, Ms. Beckwithia,” she said, her hand pressed tightly over notebook cover.

Ms. Beckwithia peered at her sternly behind her glasses. “Kyristol, you know how important it is to learn this material. You know of your father’s illness and you know that the enemy kingdom, Tabootha, becoming more of a threat. ”

Kyristol, becoming annoyed that her teacher was stating the obvious, snapped, “Yes, I am aware my father could die soon. I know the enemy is getting stronger, with more forces under their control. But what does learning about magical creatures have to do with that?”
Ms. Beckwithia sighed and said, “You never know what can happen and any knowledge is valuable.”  

Kyrisol, not caring too much, frowned and mumbled, “Oh right.”

Ms. Beckwithia sighed and they returned to the lesson while Kyristol returned to her notebook and drew hearts around the ini
Three answers:
2009-06-07 08:20:42 UTC
i found it dry and boring, you drone on and try too hard to describe things which is tiring for the reader... i dont like it





it needs to be edited an awful lot



"her hand pressed tightly over notebook cover. ", that doesnt even make sense
redheadsrockyeah
2009-06-07 11:12:18 UTC
Wow, that's really good! You might want to state the setting at the beginning, though. But that is really good!
ttlybookworm97
2009-06-07 08:16:52 UTC
i love it! usually, it's not my type of reading, but occasionally, i can pick up a different piece of reading that i love

it really captivated my interest when i first saw it!!!!



if u want to write more, u can do so at



http://worthyofpublishing.com



u can get feedback and publishers might look at it and decide to publish it!!!

i can't wait to read more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=]


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