Question:
How does this sound so far? Would you read it? Also help with a second question!?
Tarturo
2011-07-18 10:25:39 UTC
“How was your summer at Grandma’s?” my mother asked five year old me.
Every year, after the summer solstice I went to my grandmothers for the summer. In addition, every year was more amazing than the last. “I got to ride a unicorn! And touch a rainbow! And Derek took me to see his jalgpall game! His team won too! Mama it was amazing!” I exclaimed.
My mother’s soft dark chocolate hair blew in the wind. She picked me up and hugged me close to her. I could smell the lavender in her hair and smiled. I was glad I was home. Moreover, more importantly, back with my family. I loved going to grandmas, but there was something about home that got to me. No unicorn, pixie, rainbow, or goblin could pull me away. At least not, back then. Not until my mother had to protect more than just her family.
My mother was a witch, and my father a Fire bender. They were the perfect match. The fire in her soul and the passion in his abilities seemed to blend. They were not the greatest, or famous, but they were strong and very talented. My grandmother would tell me stories of how their fighting style complemented each other. Grandma was a witch as well and a very powerful one. She knew many potions and had mastered hundreds of spells over the last sixty years.
My brother, Derek, is two years older than I am. He was seven when my parents were sent away to fight in the Galactic Rose War. A war that was over if one species should dominate over another. Aristocrat vampires wanted to lead the world my grandmother lived in. Apparently since their instant popularity on Earth had brought up their conceitedness and self-esteem. They had promised many other species power and had many followers. Although I heard, there was a force, more dangerous and larger than their army somewhere was out there. An army so evil that towns, villages, and cities were destroyed just days after the group had arrived.
When our parents went away out grandmother moved into our Earth house. We still went to the other world during the summer. My brother had developed very little magical abilities. Somehow, he was more human than wizard or bender. He could do simple spells but they caused him a lot more trouble than what they were worth. When he turned thirteen, he was no longer aloud to participate in algal because it required higher magical ability than he could offer. It crushed him. I remember looking himself in his room for a week listening to loud music. When he was fifteen that music turned into pop and rap, and his clothes became commercial. He started to act like your normal teenage boy. He played soccer and baseball and was the star goal kicker on the Thomas McKean boy’s soccer team. He was also the best pitcher for the baseball team. He excelled in academics and had tons of friends. He could have had any girl and he chose the best one available. Little miss mysterious that is a riot at heart, the wonderful Kizzy Madison. She wore dark and neon makeup and had a personality just as creative. She was not an outcast but she was not Miss Popular either. She was just what my brother needed. Someone to keep him chill as your everyday person and someone to love him for him. Out grandmother adored her as well except for the fact that she rather blames Kizzy for my Goth like style and dark music. Truth be told it was just me. I just seemed to be the girl dressed in black and listened to what my brother did during his darkened period.
On every young witch’s fifteenth year of birth, she must go to the other world, Espaia, and train until the summer solstice. Then she reruns home and then continues to go on journeys until she is eighteen when she is granted her witches license. In Espaia, there is a winter solstice but only some areas look like your traditional white Christmas like scene. I have trained hard over the years but since I am only half witch, my powers are not as strong as normal witches are. However, my fire spells are phenomenally powerful so there are some benefits from my father’s side.

This is just the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. Would you read it?
Second Question: I'm in the process of the second chapter where she meets a jinx and somehow they must get transported to a parallel world, forcefully not by choice and I haven't decided how yet. Any ideas? 10 points! :)
Six answers:
2011-07-18 10:32:49 UTC
Good I like it! Very intriguing.

1. Yes I would, sounds like my kind of book

2. Drop of wormhole because the bad guys are taking over the world and slowly eating it up, creating small drop off wormholes in small places of the world?
Laura
2011-07-18 10:39:21 UTC
I kinda stopped after hearing the words "Fire Bender" in my head.



Have you ever heard of Avatar: The Last Airbender? Because you kinda ripped them off just now.



Plus, it's just too much! Not only do you have witches and people who can control elements, you have intergalactic warfare, vampires, a jinx that can jump dimensions, and a stereotypical goth main character that I'm pretty sure is a Mary Stu.



Not to mention the multiple spelling errors and awkward narrative style.
Chellie
2011-07-18 10:30:42 UTC
Witches and goblins aren't really my thing, so i probably wouldn't read the rest. But as far as writing style, you're ok.

At the beginning, is it suppose to be a flashback? If not, i think i would be better if you did that.
LittleGem
2011-07-18 10:45:59 UTC
I really like this! it sounds like a very interesting story and I would definitely read on :)

Also, I like your writing style, it sounds great for a young teenage audience :)

Answer mine?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20110718092234AAjwwiR
Damiana
2016-05-15 09:39:50 UTC
I.. I love it! I mean I am really picky about my books but I love it. Tell me what happens. Is Josie dead. If she is dead I am going to cry. Write more! This is no joke I am in love with this book! Does it have a title?
??????
2011-07-18 10:28:41 UTC
I would SOOO read it!!


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