How do you like this book so far? (sorry for the spelling and grammer errors)?

Question

"The Vampire Task Force TVTF is trying their hardest to kill everyone of these vampires but they can not kill all of them. We can not be more careful these days, as you know there has been a curfew threw out the USA at sunset when the sirens go off for three years now. Anyone that has been out past this curfew has been getting obtained and arrested unless your job entails you too. This has been because of how dangerous these vampires are. I would like to at-least give the USA some good news. On the bright side Miami and it’s surrounding areas have been allowed to have recreational activities again threw out the night and their curfew has been lifted. This is because there has been tests that stated no attacks happening for an entire week and even threw the second week, but there was an attack on our fake human dummy the third week. I have lifted their curfew there because there seemed to be very little attacks as apposed to places like Chicago and LA. The reason they don’t attack we gather is because their was so many of these vampire creatures suddenly killed that they seem to avoid the area. Thank you Miami TVTF and thank you all for listening. I hope some day soon this will happen in more cities and areas in the United States."
That was our President James Shepherd who spoke on TV that was one of the glass walls of the bus stop on Michigan ave. during the year 2058, Chicago IL, USA. Yeah, It was the future and there has been many changes over the last fifty years.. Such as touch screen televisions everywhere you look. There were auto driving taxi’s and trucks. There were even auto-dog walking robots that picked up poop. All you had to do was put some money into the payment system or a credit card will do, and hook your dog on a leash. That was ONLY if your dog got along with other dogs though. If not you also get a very hefty fine for your dog biting another dog or anything for that matter. Yes, lots and lots of changes in those fifty years. Power companies manufactured fuel cells now. It was actually illegal to use any burning products for fuel. Our automobiles all had electric motors in them. Trains hovered over the ground at speeds of 400 mph. It was really great changes actually when it came to technology and everything. Well... not everything... there was also another change. Vampires...
They came out of no where during the year 2030. Actually no one knows why, how, or even where they came from. They just appeared and it wasn’t just in the USA it was everywhere. That’s when governments around the world started a task force to fight them. It was called The Vampire Task Force. That was mainly know as TVTF.
"I got you! Kara! Come on baby! We can make it!" Mason screamed sincerely to her. He took her hand and exclusively picked her right up. Then he went down again and grabbed up her purse with his other hand.
They ran together while they held hands as fast as they could toward the building his dad lived at.
"We are almost there Kara." said Mason as he breathed deep and filled his lungs full of air. They ran up to his dad’s building. They both were breathed heavily. You could see their breath as it floated out their mouths with every breath and on into the air.
"Mason hurry up! Type in the code! Come on!!" She said as she looked around everywhere, up, left, right. She seemed horrified and frightened.
"Got it!" He said as they ran inside and slammed the door shut.
The door locked. There were two loud sliding dead bolt sounds to secure the door closed. The UVB light shined out on the sidewalk from inside bullet proof glass of the building.
!!!!FLASH!!!!
A huge flash from a vampire hitting the lights flashed up like gunpowder getting sparked up. Then the smoke slowly started to float up into the air.
"AAH AAH AAH” Kara breathed deeply and fast.
“Oh my god!! Did you see that smoke!?" said Kara as she breathed like she was going to have a heart attack.
"YEAH!! Did you see that FLASH!? We made it!" Mason replied in an excited and exasperated voice. "That was a god-damn VAMPIRE!!!! Two more seconds and we'd be dead!" he spoke as he stared out the window and began to scan around to look for anything else.
“Hey look I see it’s fangs or nails or something laying there,” Mason said.
The vampire’s fangs and nails were made of a type of metal no one on the planet has ever seen anywhere or found except for on these vampires. The shine off the metal fangs made them have a scintillate look as they rolled back and forth in the street.
“Should I go out there and get them? They are just outside the light in the street,” asked Mason to Kara while he gave her some very eager looking eyes.
With vampires you never see them. No one does. They were like the great white sharks who swam around in the green murky ocean waters of the California coast.

Answer 1

Vampire theme rules!!!!!

Answer 2

it Sounds good so far but these are my recommendations: - instead of having the narrator tell her mom that she needs a ride to the airport, adn then pouring the alcohol down the drain, and basically being chased out of the house, make it to where the narrator comes home to find her mom drinking and then her mom starts throwing stuff at her. have her run to her room, lock the door, and immediately begin packing. then have her run out of the house and go to a friends house and call her dad, asking him to come pick her up???? see if that works...it could help your story seem more realistic not to mention it would add more to the plot.

Answer 3

It's hard to enough a story when you're editting the sentence structure the whole time and think "wow, this kinda sounds like 'V for Vendetta' with vampires".

Answer 4

In my opinion, I find it quit entertaining. :)