For all teenagers. What do you think of my poem(I'm serious)?

Question

I sit waiting for the end of the world by the river Nile
I choke at the feelings that swell in my heart
I do not know how to explain
I want, I want to die
Still, I am afraid from where I will go
It is like walking in a tunnel blinded by your fears
And guided by your illusions.
Ohh God take away my soul, but leave the pain.

My ego swirls in my chest, asking for more.
The oblivion it faces from the world when no pain dwells with in it
Is like the oblivion you offer when I need you the most.

The river rises and covers me up with raging waves. The fish are smiling at me
Through the droplets of water and I’m dangling away across the mud and stone
Everything swirls in one big hurricane and darkness prevails.
I know, I am dead, Good-bye the sorrows of this world and welcome the pain of afterlife.
Hell shall be my resting place and my biggest sin shall always dwell upon my shoulders.
I waited until God decided to clasp my soul; I should have clasped it myself.
But it’s late and I shall dwell under the writhing blaze of hell wishing for an an uncommitted sin

Answer 1

Ok, that's like the greatest poem I've ever read. It shows a great deal of despair, hoeplessness, fear, and internal fighting. You tell how you really want to die, but you believe it and what happens after it will be torturous. In the last paragraph, you're really great at describing what happens, and has an enormous air of doom. (I'm not trying to be mean to your poem, you just wrote it really well, it's like I'm actually feeling what the writer is feeling.) Maybe you can tutor me in English class and in writing poetry! (just kidding, but that would be awesome) Keep up the amazing work!

Answer 2

Its good, pretty sad but one thing i would change is that:



Ohh God take away my soul, but leave the pain.



Should be:



Ohh God take away my PAIN, but leave the SOUL



Just a thought.



Hope I Helped



:)

Answer 3

Its a really good writing style. I like it. Bit sad though. I love to read this stuff. I also love to know background on authors and such. Whyd you write about this?

Its interesting.

Answer 4

oh gosh. Pain, despair, agony, darkness. It's full of emotion and it's pretty good. it isn't about suicide though is it? other than that, It's good. keep on writing and try to see some good in this world in you next poem, i would love to hear it!

Answer 5

i think you need to stop focusing on death and stop reading romance novels also get a job if you have one spend your money on yourself. also i am a teen 18 to be exact. you need to start focusing on what you want not how bad life is. pull it together and take note that you only got so much time here use it wisely or lose it forever. find yourself and go live life. don't waste time focusing on things like death focus on where u could go!

Answer 6

It's good but dont tell me its a sucide note?