Is this dialogue good??

Question

Su, Is was just wundering if you culd tell me what you think about this dialogue I been working on for a whiles. Her it is ;

"
Enters person,~

" Your so rude" she shouted at the top of her vocal cords.`
" Because I siad i hates you one time Im rude now? What dose that even mean? "`
" What dose it mean " She asked all shouting like. " It means, that, your, stupid, like, a , straight `,up,troll," he yelled`
" Pffffffff, You bein all crazy like *****.... ""`
" Im crazy? what ? Are you crazy or something ? Im so sick of this crazyness."`

Su Culd yuo guys all give me some tips or something. This is a exxerpt from a book I already published so I know its good,cus I already got it published " don't ask who by..." but jus want some feed bak or something, like, please ? Also, Please don't say anything rude because I really hate people being rude.

Answer 1

You need to drink less coffee.

Answer 2

Whoever charged you to publish this ripped you off, big time.



Your formatting is terrible. You have no idea how to punctuate dialogue--or anything else. Apparently your spell-check button is broken.



As Simon Cowell says, I'm not being rude, just honest. This is a hot mess, and I can't help but think that you're trolling us. If you're not, then I weep for the future of America.

Answer 3

Okay, first of all, don't ask for criticism of your work then ask people not to be rude. That just makes it seems like you're fishing for praise, and that's not going to happen.



As another member said, I don't know who published this but you got ripped off. This is not good writing. That's not rudeness, that's plain honesty.



You don't know how to format, you don't know how to spell, and you don't know how to use grammar. That is the feedback you asked for. If you want to interpret people's honesty as rudeness then that just shows you don't really care about improving your work - you just want praise.

Answer 4

That can't possibly be in a published book with that awful grammar, and what is with all those comma's?



I know you said you hate rude people but you didn't even need to lie but you did and I have no clue why you'd do that.