First two chapters of my book called "Dear Diary?

Question

So its a book about a girl living in a mental hospital because her parents dumped her there because she is crazy. She begins thinking of the diary as a real person and becomes crazier and suicidal when the "person" wont write back. If you like it you can follow it on this link
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/235134-dear-diary?chapter=1

Sept. 25, 2009
Dear Diary, I'm assuming that's how you start a diary entry in all the books I've read that's how they started. This is the first diary I've ever had I always considered them to girly for me, but don't be to offended dear diary. My name is Anna Thomas I don't like it very much, but I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. I decided to write you diary because I need something to complain about my life to and my parents are to far away to listen, and the friends I have I don't trust enough to keep a secret, so you were a last resort I guess. I should give you my description, but I don't see the point your an inanimate object what are you supposed to do write back and say "Wow you sound really pretty". No? I didn't think so. Diary if you were human you would never hear anything that I will write in you. I'm sorry that you will just have to listen and be trapped with these secrets forever, but diary remember your inanimate, and I love you for that. I have a troubled life so if one day I find you shriveled up and destroyed I wont blame anyone, but myself after all I'm the one who filled you up with terrible things. Sincerely, Anna T.
P.S. Please forgive me diary I'm sure after time we will be best friends

Sept.26, 2009
Dear Diary, I bought you second hand please don't be offended for me asking this, but I am truly curious. Were you ever used as a diary before this? Or were you just an old school notebook that someone no longer needed? I think I remember tearing out a few pages that looked like they had a little bit of math on them, but I don't really know I wasn't paying a lot of attention, I was more focused on being able to write a diary without skipping every other page. Oh and by the way diary I think in my entry the other day I forgot to tell you how old I am so I figure I should tell you now even though I see no point behind since your just a notebook that I write a few sentences about my day every now and then. Well I just sighed to myself so I might as well tell you, I'm fourteen. Yes, I know fourteen and with so many issues that I need something I consider girly. Diary I have more questions that you never have to answer (scouts honor you never have to) do you know what color you are on the outside? Also can you tell what kind of ink I'm writing in? In case you want to know you have a lovely pale purple cover and a brown back with a spiral binding. I usually write in black ink which is what I'm writing in you now. Diary did you know that I'm a certified mentally handicapped person? I'm not stupid or anything, but everyone thinks I'm a bit off my rocker so my parents sent me to live in a hospital so I can get back on it. I don't get what they mean most of the time. I don't mind it though sometimes I swear I'm the smartest person in the room, but they don't let me near the knives. That's a story for another entry though. Since I'm only fourteen I have to go to school still (geez the people they let in schools these days) its like normal school only the teacher goes over things very precisely I don't know why though were just off our rocker (whatever that means) not dumb maybe they just don't want to startle us causing us to go on a rampage ha-ha that would be funny though. Just think of it diary me and everyone else in the school running around the hospital terrifying everyone. Anyway diary the only reason I wrote in you today was because I needed to clear up a few things oh and by the way how are you I forgot to ask? Goodbye Diary, Anna T.

Answer 1

If this is all there is to it its going to be mighty boring.

Answer 2

one million) The beautiful Bones, I love how she begins off so innocently and makes the whole lot look like from a little one's eye even-despite the fact that we all know that she will get murdered brutally. So I fairly was once into it within the opening and all, however at third bankruptcy, the writing transformed and grew to be slightly complicated. The sentences could no longer is sensible and I could need to learn the freaking factor five instances earlier than it made teeny bit feel of what the creator was once seeking to say. I do not know whether or not it is simply me, however I simply notion that the author was once attempting too rough to construct a writing sort and it ended up being complicated. I do just like the tale, however I preferred how it was once advised within the opening greater than it did afterward ... huhh two) Drunk / Abusive father or mother. Teenage being pregnant. High university crushes. Mary-sue Detective (besides sherlock holmes) Love in the beginning sight. Calling love lust, whilst you're too younger to inform the change. (Puts me off colossal time !!). I recognise that the matters above occur in truly existence to truly humans, however I simply believe that it is a trustworthy alternative that plenty of writers make a decision to take. The inspiration can also be intriguing or even powerful whether it is performed competently, however mostly it's over-used on account that of the trustworthy path it supplies. three) I could say Bella, however that booklet does not are available in Literature to start with so I'd say Eragon. I am studying the booklet, however it is kinda fitting noticeable that an green younger individual wrote it. Eventhough it has it is excellent elements and most likely have got to have taken hell of an creativeness, however I simply believe that his individual was once slightly dragged out. I desire you get what I imply. four)If they're attempting to do that to P*** me off, I could say not anything but when they have got well intentions than I could simply snigger. I'll be annoyed however I could take a look at to not exhibit it. five) If you had been at a booklet signing in your booklet and also you heard anybody evaluate you for your so much disliked creator in an unkind method, how could you react? I'll Smile !!! Like this ... >( 6)I truthfully like getting brutal feedback as soon as in a even as. Because whilst I am writing it, I do believe that it demands plenty of advantage. I continuously suppose there's room for extra advantage so I am no longer indignant in any respect and do not uncover the must protect the tale. However if anybody begins telling me 'Maybe the position is that this---' you already know like begin giving me Ideas, it pisses me off slightly. I could inform them that I recognise my possess tale and that I requested how my 'writing' might be accelerated. Not my inspiration. If I had requested for the latter, I could think a cheater. *-_-* 7) Lack of understanding on tips on how to construct a dangling scene. I have not learn many books with that, so it is irritating me what to place subsequent, or in which to function what and so on. It's freaking seventeenth century for God's sake !!! How the hell am I feel to grasp every flawlessly correct element of the way the undertaking was once performed. (I recognise approximately a factor known as Google, however I've been begging it for a few aid and it has for the primary time brain you, failed to try this. However my beautiful B&A institution has helped HEAPS !!! *-_-* I acquired a few websites urged, to aid me get a few data on hangings) eight) A Mary Sue. Someone who's slightly too self-absorbed. Theme: High university or Circuses. Subject: Crush, love in the beginning sight. Well, a mary sue offers a booklet, a much less difficult feeling. You recognise like whilst you're gambling a recreation and you're killed atleast 10 instances seeking to conclude the degree. Imagine gambling a recreation in which there are not any competitors/challenge ... or you've gotten a energy that's 10 instances bigger in order that competitors are for your mercy continuously. Well yeah. That's what it's like studying approximately a Mary-Sue. It is simply too kiddish and does not deliver a task. High School crushes: Huhhh... jogs my memory of whilst I was once a child in top university. =/ . I used to believe bullshit a loot !!! *-_-*

Answer 3

I was really enthralled.

You had me captured,

and I was unable to stop until I'd read the last sentence.

Really well written. Bravo