Question:
Please answer, would you keep reading this?
Jenni
2009-11-25 09:01:15 UTC
it's the intro to chapter 1


----The only thing I could hear in the empty street was the air pushing in and out of my lungs, and two sets of racing feet hitting the ground. He was close now, much too close, but I couldn’t make my legs move me any faster. The bullet in my shoulder was stinging my entire left side, and I felt like I could collapse at any moment. There was no crowd for me to blend with, and no noise to drown out the sounds of my movements. There was me, and there was my hunter who was breathing steadily, not tired. The space between us was rapidly shrinking. I was sure that at least two of my ribs were broken, and I had already lost too much blood.
----How could I miss that shot?
----A loud bang echoed off the tall buildings around me. I shrieked in pain as another bullet pierced the back of my arm, and my knees gave out beneath me. This time, I fell, and I hit the ground hard, scraping the skin on my elbows, my palms, and my face. There was a sharp ringing in my head that scrambled my thoughts. I struggled to remember how to lift myself back onto my feet, and tried to ignore the screaming pain in my arms when I pushed my body upward. The man’s footsteps were louder now, and I knew that the next time I fell, I wouldn’t have the chance to rise again. I had no idea where I was going, and I was running out of time to decide.
----But I wasn’t going to die now. Not here. Not like this. For as long as I could remember I believed that I was willing to die for my cause, but now my cause was lost. I didn’t have anything left to give my life for. If I surrendered now I would be killed alone, and would always be remembered as the coward who let everyone down, if anyone cared to remember me at all. So I chose life, and I ran. I forced my tired body to move forward, in any direction that would keep me alive.
Four answers:
dispirited_princess
2009-11-25 09:23:53 UTC
This is very good, and reminds me a little of Anita Blake(written by laurell K Hamilton) you might want to check that series out. I find her writing inspirational.



I would read this and I really like how the introduction to the first chapter leaves me wanting to read more and curious about the character and her previous choices. Keep writing, this is great!
Ed bites
2009-11-25 17:09:05 UTC
Sounds pretty good. In need of a firm editing hand but otherwise it seems it could develop into a cracking story.
XxBrokenxX
2009-11-25 17:12:51 UTC
It's actually very good! Of course, it needs some editing.. But I like it!
Superbowl Champs!
2009-11-25 17:14:33 UTC
I think its very well written but the only bad thing is we have no clue why she is running. Why she got shot.What her cause is and who she is running from.

maybe if you explained that it would be better


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