Question about description?

Question

Hello, my beautiful and most esteemed writers of Yahoo :)

I have a query for you lot. I'm fine with getting the balance right between describing actions and so on, but what I don't really understand 100% is the balance when describing the environment. My story is mainly in a school, where things are happening everywhere - would you describe what other characters are doing briefly, even if they have no relevance to the story? ("The corridor was packed with students exchanging news on their weekend or showing pictures on their phones") or would you just say that the corridor had other people in and leave it at that?

The same goes for out in the open. My character is showing friends around her home town, and I want to get across that it is a really beautiful place that she lives. Also, a dream world features heavily in this which is often described. My problem here is that I tend to reel off the best bits of the world - is this okay? For example, the bit I just tried writing goes like this:

The village stood in what Rhian had always seen as a “basin” – her father had always said that Brecon was simply dumped in the centre of the valleys at a great height, simply because nobody knew where else to put it. She saw why he thought this. It seemed sunken, but if you climbed up the mountains behind her house you could see for miles; rolling hills, towering mountains and, in the distance, the silvery slither of the sea on the horizon.

and the "dream world"...

"The field stretched for miles in every direction, with nothing in the distance except for domineering mountains. Rhian walked slowly forwards, trying to take in everything at once; the soft grass, the warm air, the sun shining down brightly, the smell of pollen, the gentle rustle of trees, the flowers, the occasional animal walking uninterrupted ahead of her … but there was something else, something in the back of her mind that she had forgotten which was begging to be remembered."

Is this method of description OK, or is it lacking something? I've always been insecure about description, so could do with a helping hand! So, to make it easier:

1) When your character is around other characters, do we need to say what other characters are doing, or just let the reader assume there are others there? (In a school it goes without saying that the corridors will be busy!)

2) How do you go about describing the world a character lives in, without waffling on for too long or making it seem like an estate agent selling a dream house?

Answer 1

My characters observe what they want to.

Take for example a story I wrote where a teen meets his friend at a food court. He walks through the mall and there is no description other than what's playing outside the music store. When he meets his friend, there is no description of the friend, but there is a new girl there. I describe her because my character is seeing her for the first time.

So if a policeman arrives at a crime scene, there would be meticulous description. If a character is alert and frightened, they might notice more too. But if someone is relaxed and say strolling outside, they might only take in nice things.

What you have there sounds okay. You've got more than visual description and not too much of it.

Answer 2

In the school corridor, I would briefly describe what the other kids are doing. Describing the actions of others gives more mood to the scene. If you described kids in the corridor, the reader might wonder if they're all just staring blankly at one another. If you say what they're doing, it actually gives more info about the school. If the kids were all doing homework or studying as opposed to talking about the weekend, it shows you what kind of kids and school it is. A lot of time doesn't have to be spent on these kind of descriptions, however. Just keep it short and sweet.



I think your style of description is just fine. :) It neither looks like a thesaurus threw up nor am I left wondering what in the heck you were just talking about. I can visualize the place without a problem, and it doesn't go on and on with irrelevant details. Don't worry, you're doing wonderful.



1) I do describe the actions of other characters, but briefly. For example, when they're in a marketplace, I might say the other people are hurrying along, shoving others, or shopkeepers are beckoning others to come in and view their goods. This gives a mood to the scene, as well as being a description of the city by describing its citizens. The mood would be significantly different if I just said the MC was walking through the marketplace. It would sound like there is no one else around, or that the few people there are just lazily walking around. Empty versus crowded.



2) When I describe a new place in my story, I tend to just explain the things that would catch my eye if I were there myself. Instead of going on and on about little things, I describe the unique, huge buildings, especially the ones that will serve some purpose in the plot, like the king's palace, etc. Or, if they're in a forest, I try to make it clear that it's a dense forest as opposed to sparse woods, and then I let the reader imagine the rest. The same goes with a beach, or an empty meadow. I describe the initial outline and allow the reader's imagination to fill in the rest. That's what makes reading fun after all. :)



But be sure to use your environment. I've always believed that the setting is just as much a character in the story as the rest of the cast. Your characters are in a world that they must interact with. The landscape/city/etc. around them will impact and influence them as much as other people will, but we as humans tend to forget such things.

Answer 3

Hello BN! How are you?



Like all other things in writing, the answer is: it depends. But to elaborate...



1) Every sentence in your story should add something. If you take the sentence out and it doesn't make a difference to your story, it shouldn't be there. If you take the school scenario, I wouldn't consider it necessary to describe what other people are doing, especially if it's simply what you would expect. If there are unusual situations, then that would help us understand your character a bit more.



Describing backdrop can also help set the pace or mood of a scene. Your description in both extracts create a sense of a calm and peace. In a darker scene, maybe the mountains look down on the town intimidatingly. But what you have there is great.



2) A thing to try is probably try and write about the area you live in. The usual walk through town. The hidden routes. The 30 degree blistering heat, or the inches of flooding, for example. Try and pick the tiniest details though, e.g. a particular place that is known for some certain activity. Like your character, the place where your character lives will have its high and lows. Best wayto depict something is explore the subtle details that make it what it truly is.



Read the preview in:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Description-Setting-Techniques-Exercises-Believable/dp/158297327X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373651930&sr=1-1&keywords=description+and+setting



It has an appendix full of a wonderful checklist of key points to perfect description setting. Do check it out!



Hope that helps :)



~ Jay

Answer 4

"The corridor was packed with students exchanging news on their weekend or showing pictures on their phones")" This sounds right. The shorter one sounds flat. It's when you start describing every poster on the wall, every character's outfit, that when it gets to be too much. The town and the dream house description sound nice too. You aren't dumping a lot of description on us but the reader can still see what the environment looks like.



"How do you go about describing the world a character lives in, without waffling on for too long or making it seem like an estate agent selling a dream house?" It's tricky. Sometimes you need a little more description, sometimes less is more.

Answer 5

Ah. This all comes down to your individual style, B. Nightmare.



It depends on your purpose and what you're trying to do. You can control your pacing and tone with description. It can almost add the lyrical undertone to a story, lending to the general atmosphere (whimsical/dark and brooding/reflective/etc). If you are emphasizing action, you would forego description b/c description slows down the pace, for instance. Finding that balance depends on your taste and intentions as the author, it's partly what determines your unique voice and style as a writer.



If you intend to show the reader how beautiful the setting is, then description is necessary. It serves as a better technique than simply telling the reader "This place is beautiful," wouldn't you say? And the imagery is what will weave the fictive dream and make readers visualize the setting. Again, it's necessary.



As for listing off the things she was trying to "take in all at once," it's a good technique because listing it like this suggests she's overwhelmed. There are other ways to write this even more descriptively but this is a good technique itself. I *do* find it tedious, though, when authors draw it out too long (refer to George Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series where he lists the foods presented during feasts for three tedious pages).



1) Personally, I describe what other characters are doing only to show the reader the biased interpretation of the narrator. For instance, I may describe the shrewd behavior of a woman's domineering mother to show the reader how this woman feels about her mother. But later on, I will establish that this narrator is unreliable by showing the reader what the mother was really doing.



Everything you describe should be important or necessary. Yes, you would expect school corridors to overflow with the daily hustle of students shuffling between classes. Because this is common knowledge and would already be anticipated, it's a good idea to exclude it. You're making a distinct point, though, if you're pointing out how quiet the corridors are--suggesting something is out of the ordinary.



2) This is impossible. Because to some readers your description won't be long enough, to others, you'll be the most long-winded descriptive writer they encountered. Waffling on too long is when your pacing, tone, and the story's action or purpose is undermined. You establish a pace at the beginning of the story and you need to maintain it. It's like the tempo of a song. You can just "hear" the narrative slow down when the description is too long. Or when you begin to wonder what's happening with the characters, that's another indicator that the description isn't holding a reader's attention.



Ultimately though, your descriptive choices depend on your individual style and taste. So choose the balance that's right for the style of your writing and that individual story.

Answer 6

Well, this may be a cop out but I would almost have to say that as a writer it may be up to you to decide how much is enough/too much when it comes to your descriptions. I will say, I have read bestselling authors who are lost on the concept of keeping it brief when it comes to descriptions. They go on way too long. As a general rule of thumb I would say anything more than a paragraph is overkill for describing anything. I personally see nothing wrong with the following:



"The corridor was packed with students exchanging news on their weekend or showing pictures on their phones"



It's far more colorful than simply saying, "There were a lot of people around them." Imagine me speaking that line in a flat monotone and you'll get the idea :)



Your second description also gives me more of a picture of what the character is experiencing around her, what her senses are picking up. It adds flavor instead of being flat and one dimensional. Others may disagree. But I prefer a bit of "prose" over a bland generic sentence that just lays there like a bored lover :) See what I did there?

Answer 7

If you're writing first person or third-person limited, I'd say write what the character notices, to the extent that it's important to the story or character development or world-building. When Rhian's in the school corridor, does she notice that the other students are talking about their weekends and showing pictures on their phones? Or does she just think it's going to take her a long time to get past all of them to wherever she's supposed to be?

Answer 8

I just finished editing a scene (two actually lol) in a crowd. 5000 creatures all doing their own thing, but the only ones that matter are the ones in the story. My MC zigzagged through the crowd to see what the commotion was, but the commotion was different than the cause for the crowd. Only later did we discover the crowd was waiting for word on what was happening to a friend who got hurt and was being treated in a tent. That reveal came when the one hurt came out to see what the commotion was and everyone turned to cheer. The commotion was because two factions disagreed on lunch. Confusing? It is when explained, but, how about if I explain (without telling the whole story) in the right order?



MC hugged Little Kid after stitches sewn on Little Kid's head.



Little Kid jumps up and rushes to his friends.



Noise outside of the triage tent.



MC goes out to find out what's happening, but there's 5000 people facing away.



MC pushes through crowd to see what they're looking at.



Big Kid and Snob stand over one ugly fish. Snob says he won't eat it. Big Kid doesn't care.



Crowd turns towards tent flap. MC looks too.



Little Kid's buddies have him hefted up on their shoulders. Crowd cheers.



Little Kid and buddies come over to look at ugly fish. Little Kid's buddy (the community's chef) approves ugly fish. MC, Big Kid and other character (that matter) are happy.



Snob and his buddies are angry and walk away.



Lots and lots of people (well, they're stuffed animals, but they are the characters of the story, so I'll call them "people" lol), in the story, but I just let the crowd be the crowd and only use the ones already introduced in the story to differentiate between what matters and what's assumed. What's assumed is 5,000 stuffed animals have had to develop their own community, so there are 5,000 "people" mulling around, actively doing something nearby. Only when what they're doing affects the story, do I tell what anyone is doing.



Yours is in a school. We've all been along those crowded hallways between classes, so we can imagine whatever our experience has us imagine. "Crowded" covers it, unless, or until, the characters see someone who matters and relates to the story in that crowd.



Real estate? I gave the overall look of the field the community will live in, when the MC first saw it. I think I took one or two sentences, because the main part was how he perceived it, not what it looks like to everyone else. (He compared it to a lumpy, weedy football field, because his background includes sports. It's really a naturalized meadow in a city park. lol) It takes five more chapters before anyone learns it's right below a city-run golf course, because that part wasn't needed, until five chapters later.



Show, when it's needed to be shown. If no one ever need to know the English classroom is below the Science classroom, don't tell. If reader's need to know, tell when they need to know that (like maybe someone in the science class blows up the room while the MC is in English class. lol)



If it's needed for the story, include it. If it's not, even if you have the full image in your mind, don't.