Question:
Is this writing good?
2010-07-02 12:12:17 UTC
CHAPTER 1: THORNY JOURNEY


It was just an average day as the wind whipped the meandering slopes of Mt. Eternal. The arcane summit lay calm, powdered by snow. All people indigenous to the mountain have fled to the city as pioneers settled there. Now there is no one left. Only adventurers and mailmen dare to set foot on the mountain now that lack of foliage causes the ledges to erode and now the faintest movements can create rock slides. People who grew up on the mountain and spent their whole lives there know how to navigate the slopes and trigger falling rocks before they have the chance to hurt someone. These wise tribes are gone now, lost in time and there is only one person there. He’s only been there for a decade but he is slowly learning the way of the whole mountain. Here, I tell you about the life of Alex Kidd, the boy who would later be known as the “Miracle of Planet Aries”
Alex Kidd was just an orphan spending his days on the summit. He lay relaxed in the natural hot springs adjacent to his purple hovel. He thought of the hot springs as a symbol of luck. He lost everything on one day: his parents, his home, and his pogo stick. At least their was something relaxing about his abrupt devastation. Ten years ago, it happened. He was four and playing with his father. Alex didn’t remember much about his childhood but he always got a warm feeling when he thought about his dad. Then out of the shadows some man emerged and kidnapped him and his dad then fled to the east. Alex escaped his captors and kept running and running and running. He even passed the vast Crisul Forest and got to the mountains.
Alex’s luck had changed one day when he met Harrier. Harrier was the mail man who drove his motorcycle around the entire continent. Back when Harrier was just a novice, he was assigned to give mail to the people that were west of Mt. Eternal. The mountain range of Mount Eternal is known as the Weste Mountains so Alex was surprised to hear that there is a city more west of that. When Harrier was approaching where the mountain meets the forest he was ambushed by wild scorpions. Planet Aries had always been troubled by giant scorpions but now they are rare and most people know how to avoid them.
Harrier was just a novice however and had no preparation. He charged his motorcycle at the scorpions then skidded into a drift. The scorpion stepped back and whacked Harrier off his motorcycle. Harrier himself went flying and thrashed into the mountain’s bottom. The scorpion then ran forward, cornering him. Harrier cowered.
Alex was glancing over the mountainside when this was happening. He could barely make out the silhouette of a person and a scorpion. The snow and the distance made Alex hesitate before leaping to help. He’s leaped to the bottom of the mountain before thinking he saw a person but it turned out to be an accumulation of rocks and branches. Nonetheless, Alex had nothing to loose. He hopped from rock to rock until he reached the forest floor. At this point Harrier was holding the claws of the scorpion back. Its mandible tried to slash his face. Sweat was dripping down Harrier’s face. Alex leaped into battle ...literally. His fists flew forward and bashed the scorpion. It bashed into the tree. Harrier then had to time to run to his motorcycle grab Alex and throttle to the other side of the mountain.
Alex slowly awoke from the backseat side cart of the motorcycle. Alex pushed himself into a sitting position and glanced at Harrier who was looking extremely focused on getting as far as he can from the scorpion. “Who are you?” asked Alex.
“My name’s Harrier. I’m the apprentice of Thompson Squilla, the international mailman of the Miraclean continent:” boasted Harrier.
“Wow, sounds official. If you’re a mailman, then where’s your mail? Alex asked.
“I lost most of it when the scorpion knocked my bike over. If there’s any left, it would be in the side cart.” Alex knelt up and looked behind him. Sure enough there was a magazine. Alex squinted at the pages. The sun was setting over the distant horizon but it didn’t matter because Alex was separated from his family, and he couldn’t read that well.
“What’s this say?,” Alex leaned over to Harrier pointing to the magazine. “This is awesome. “
“Not right now. I’m driving. Don’t you know its illegal to look through other peoples’ mail.” Harrier yawned.
“You could stay at my house tonight if you tell me what this is about.” Alex held out the page begged. “Please?”
“No. I have lots of people waiting for their mail.” Harrier protested.
Alex relaxed in his seat and calmly said “You think those scorpions were scary? Well, night’s when the condors are out.” Alex tilted his eyes toward Harrier waiting for a nervous reaction followed by accepting his friend request.
Later that day Alex lead Harrier up the winding slope teaching him how to get around soil erosion and trigger rock slides. Harrier was nervous, freaking out every time one of h
Three answers:
mnm
2010-07-02 13:20:49 UTC
I love it! It's a great opening! I would love to read more!!



if you'd like to read the first 6 chapters of mine here's my blog



megansbook14.blogspot.com



spelling is bad and I will be adding in detail, just to let you know if you do read it.



Good Work!! Good Luck!
Errol
2010-07-02 19:32:22 UTC
This is interesting.

Try not to let it all out at once, stretch it out, but still keep it interesting.

Its very good, but dont say 'Now there is no one left'. It sounded too blank,

but good work - keep it up!
Colombiana Swimmer
2010-07-02 19:19:46 UTC
this is really good. Keep up with the good work, but when you use big words like indigenous, make sure you know what they mean. Other than that, good work!


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