What do you think About my Light Novel !?

Question

"Nothing interesting"

And yet another Borish day have come well lets call it that way
-come on Vaclaw move your *** out of there !-Shouted Lilly
-What is he doing in there-said Boris

It was 10:30 am and I was up since 30 minutes ago !
-How nice that the day begun-I said being half a sleep
-F.I.N.A.L.LY-shouted Lilly
-I really need to write a good novel about the things happening here-said The Cat
-Way Ahead of you man !- I shouted !
-Your always so full of energy-said Thieft Kid
-And you always find a reason to complain- I said to my friend while giving him prepared by my self the BREAKFAST Egg omlets with Yellow Cheese !
-Hey the food is..-and weren't able to finish cause Lilly and her brothers were already there eating their portion !
-Wow You're fast- I commented
-Stasek This is awesome-Said both Vaclaw and Boris
-Ya Thnx- I said
-Anyways Mentor how is your research on Galaxia shuttle comming along !-Said the Cat
-Thats something I was ready to ask- I commented
-Together with Dr Olchiward we started our research in order to clarify the shuttle's structure !-Said the Kid
-Tell us something we dont know ! What did you find out ?-I said it while being impatient
-Wait a minute werent you the one who build it in the first place !-Said Lilly
-You're wrong if you think I know its construction I had a detailed instruction on how to make it !Knowing all which we know now it was a part of the great Mystification which was Mystica's plan I guess she knows !- I said it
-Whoa I forgotted about this "Mistyfication" plot already but correct
me if Im wrong isnt Mystica one of our allies now why not ask her
?-said Lilly
-You know I would like for Kid and the Doc to research it for them
self ! its hard to entertain such minds !-I said it !
-So you simply dont care !-said Thief Kid
-Bingo !- I said it
-acha-said Lilly
I get up from the table and started washing the dishes (Not that I
liked but only I could be framed with chores !)
Meanwhile everybody just decided to mind their own Buisness.
And so Lily was watching Mtv ! In the only Tv set I had Vaclaw and
Boris were hooked watching some Porno sites on MY ONLY COMPUTER ! And
I was the one stuck with the choores !
-And to think I could destroy a planet !- I commented to myself !
Than I wanted to do the washing when out of the blue Lilly appeared in
front of me !
-Stasek ?-said Lilly
-What ?- I asked
-I can help you with that-said Lilly
-No way you have a consionce ok- I said relived
Lilly took the dirty laundry away from me and I not suspecting gone to
watch MTV in Lilly's place !
Meanwhile Lilly dumped everything she had in the washing machine and
kicked the dirty laundry with her leg so she could close the door of
the washing machine !
-All right how much do I need to use it-said Lilly holding a Washing
powder pack and without second thought she dumped the whole package to
the washing machine ! She programed the washing machine and returned
to me !
-You didnt have any propblems with that ?- I said a bit worried
-Not all it was easy !-said Lilly
-Ok thnx-I said relieved
We were watching Bevis and Butthead on Mtv (Its a bit Vulgar US Cartoon)
-Well does americans really are dumb ***-said Lilly
-Yea Bevis and Butthead always make me laught to my ***-said Mr Aoron
who frightend us appearing just like that
-Dude a person can die from a hearth stroke here!-said Lilly
-You're not a person-said Mr Aoron
-Yes I am only infinite a demon can live an infinite life and we have
paranormal powers besides that we do not differ from you as that much
well only you cannot choose your age and apperance ! We do not age
also-said Lilly
-The day would have been boring without the Invigilation ! By the
americans- I said it to Mr Aoron
-WELL we are from the CIA-Said Mr Aoron
-By the way were's the rest ?-I Asked Mr Aoron
-Luke is doing a Monthly raport for The White House Eve together with
her father and the General is in our Consulat in Cracow-Said Mr Aoron
-Is something up?-I asked Mr Aoron
-No that Routine we just check the loyality of the consular stuff
besides you do the same as well-said Mr Aoron
-we?-said Lilly
-When I said you i meant the Polish Goverment-said Mr Aoron
-Yes of course !-i said
-Well its supposedly a Military top secret information but I guess I
can pass it to you since you're a CIA operative as well The day after
tommorow Our goverment will sent high ranking officials to your High
ranking official USA wants to incorporate Poland to its own Military
structures My guess is that the White house is planning to build an
Antimisslie shield on your soil!-Said Mr Aoron
-Against Russians-I said suprised
-God forbidd we would never hear the end of it ! they would Veto us
out of Nato were more worried about Iran you know ! the country which
borders Iraq which was attacked by us in our terror campaign besides I
guess the Polish goverment will be also able to benefit-said Mr Aron
Snatchers

Answer 1

I have to say, this gets really confusing with all the grammatical errors that you have. Maybe you could find someone to edit for you.

I just edited a really small part for you below. I'm not exactly the best editor around so I might have missed a few mistakes:







It was 10:30 a.m. and I was up since 30 minutes ago. "How nice that the day begun," I said, still half asleep.



“FINALLY!” shouted Lily.



Do you see how the quotation marks work? You also have a lot of spelling mistakes, grammar, and punctuation, etc.







Also, your dialogue is somewhat confusing at parts. You Introduced so many characters at once without explaining who was who. I don't know what they look like, how they are connected to the story. Maybe you can work on the plot too. I don't know where this is taking place. Is it at someone's house? At a hotel? At a restaurant?



I don't mean to sound all... like a know-it-all, which I'm not. These are just a few things that you might want to consider when writing stories I guess.



I'm looking foward to your improvements. With more practice, I'm sure you'll be a great writer. = )



EDIT: See continuation of chapter for more of my opinion.

Answer 2

I'm guessing that English isn't your first language? As a result, your grammar and sentence structure are distracting.



The plot's a bit Cold War-ish. Slightly "60s spy novel" in feel. You've given away your big secrets right up front. It's plot heavy. And you need to work on developing your characters and their relationships. People read novels for the characters first, then the plot.

Answer 3

I will be absolutely honest with you and say:



What the heck is this?!



What's with all the dashes? You have no quotation marks, no periods, no commas and too many exclamation points.



You capitalize when you shouldn't and don't when you should.



It is also rife with spelling errors.



And above all, it does not make any sense.



What is this about, anyway?

Answer 4

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Answer 5

gets confusing, and sry but thats not my kinda book.