Continue this.....FOR GOOD WRITERS?

Question

Ok, so I have started an adventure narrative. It is basically about an epic adventure and emphasises strength, bravery, decisions... and a twist of action. I want something breath taking, where something really hopeless happens, and some adventure like a quest... it is based in a olden day village. The main character is a girl named Ebony.

HERE IS THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. I WOULD LIKE A BRIEF EXPLANATION OF WHAT YOU MIGHT LIKE THE REST TO BE...

The sky was a haze of peach and cherry and wisps of cloud were haloed in gold light rims. The sun a brilliant burst of honey caramel light, shimmering on the lake surrounded by the vast fringe of emerald forest. I skipped over lime moss covered fallen logs, large jagged rocks and tall grass, my bare feet on the tangles of olive moss. The basket of assorted berries was in my left hand as I danced through old puddles and moss covered rock. My bronze hair flew wild in the earthy breeze, my faded violet dress swayed back. I tried to tuck my hair out of my sight so I could walk safely through the fallen trees, the birds gliding cheerfully around the sun, twirling and bathing in its caressing warmth. I felt the tingling sensation as I pranced out of the shadows and into the delicious blonde velvet light. I stopped and gazed up at the sky, I let my hair fly, let my dress sway, let the light pour on my face. It felt so good, so irresistible, so balanced. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to leave, I wanted time to stop, I wanted to stay in the peaceful, perfect spot, forever. No stress, no worry, no misery, no pain, just me and the sun and the birds, just endless days of me and pure sunlight. For eternity.

Answer 1

*Use Adjectives When Needed. Just Sayin'*



I plop down, eyes still closed. I wish I could grab the sunshine and put it in the jar. It would add life to the boring town *insert-village-name-here*. My hair is spread out everywhere. It seems stupid, but I am resisting the urge to make grass angels.



Something like that.



I think that the town should run out of what it needs to survive (perhaps something like coal) Ebony and a group of other people have to travel to another place and they must ask to use their resources. No romance. Please, or at least not in this book.

Answer 2

Well, the answer is ultimately up to you, but I can give you some advice. You talked about the serenity and tranquility associated with the sun, the birds, etc towards the end of the paragraph. What would really make this story interesting is a subtle explanation of why the narrator appreciates the peacefulness so much. What went wrong in their lives, what happened that made the narrator love the lake and such, more importantly, the peacefulness of it all?



You need to continue on, slowly introducing the reasons why. You want to keep the story compelling, so don't give it all away in one spot. Slowly give the reader hints and insight into the mind of the narrator. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Hmm, nicely mine's a team, and actually on the tip of the sequence, i assume that they had merely shop doing issues with their powers, possibly coaching individuals to apply theirs. the main substantial hazard would be defeated with the help of then, so i'm no longer definitely sue precisely what. ending that is an prolonged way off nonetheless, so i think of i'm solid. I fairly much forgot the BQs: BQ1: never, nicely, a minimum of so some distance as i've got deliberate never, i'm no longer awaiting for them to, the two. BQ2: no longer perfect now yet each sometimes. definitely, each sometimes is a dash bit a real understatement. a lot. BQ3: possibly my antagonists and their targets. i eventually worked it out so that is wise.

Answer 4

Too much description. I stopped reading after a few sentences. There has to be a conflict right at the start, so that people know you're describing for a reason. Make it mean something. Don't describe for the sake of it. I know it's beautiful, but people don't like reading description. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Suddenly ALL the birds are gone, without an explanation. So she goes on her quest to get all the birds back from somewhere, something must have taken ALL the birds away.....