Honest feedback on my plot for a romance novel i am writing?

Question

Ive been thinking about this story for about a week now, ive posted this question a few times but need more help from the public to refine my story just that little bit extra. tell me what you think...

Set in a make-believe town in Minnesota, present day, the story is told from the first person view of Andi Evans, a Sophomore who hides a dark secret that behind closed doors, her mother relentlessly abuses her, her excuse being that she is a 'god fearing woman' and that Andi 'is not her child.' Obviously, I’m looking forward to writing some very psychologically engrossing scenes, unlike most sappy stories, Andi is not a character you feel sympathy towards, instead, her will power and quirky attitude towards life make you draw strength from her. I include heaps of natural, woodland scenery. Andi escapes to these 'sanctuaries' that keep her 'safe' ie: an abandoned cubby house embedded in the heart of the forrest, an isolated lake with an island in the middle, a cliff top overlooking her quaint little town etc.
Her best friend Eva, a fierce, protective, half Native american (OR MMacedonian i havent decided) tomboy is the only one who knows about Andi’s troubling life, she plays the bigger sister roll, the person that picks up the broken pieces of a shattered person and glues them back together again. She's ffeisty overly protective and street wise. She can also be very rational and 'parental' being the voice of reason.
Andi is an extreme party girl with terrible insecurities, the opening chapter having her coming home from a party to be confronted by her mother. She drinks to forget, and drinks to gain confidence, and loves the thrill of a man in the heat of the moment. Names are thrown around about her, but everyone wants to know more about the mysterious girl whom misses weeks of school, is quiet, yet is a known party girl.
Her father was tragically murdered in his bed by being stabbed, her elder brother Lucas whom has moved out of home now, and herself discovered the body. She is troubled by the images she saw. I reveal later who did it and why, because I love a good crime.
Of course, i include a love triangle, because that’s always juicy.
There is a boy, Levi, the classic, dark, handsome, charmer whom she had known since ppreschool he rode past her house the night her father was murdered and watched behind police tape. They had been good friends, but last year they slept together at the annual summer lake party. He is a known 'player' and has always had a soft spot for Andi. Now they have intriguing, flirtatious interactions. He suspects correctly about her troubled life, he's constantly helping her out and Andi is in debt to him for many things. He's the son of the town Mechanic.
There is a new boy, Christian, the casually dressed, blonde-haired family boy who moves from the twin cities. He moves into a house four doors down from Andi and she is somewhat fascinated by this handsome, new boy. Immediately there are holes in his perfect-boy persona, he has regular absences from class, mysterious behaviour, and always appears to look tired and worn; his twin sister whom he is very protective over appears the same. One day she sees him when she skips class and follows him. He goes to the hospital, and she finds that he has a younger brother who is terminally ill. After the initial shock and anger, they form this abstract relationship, the story reveals that he is the sole thing that keeps his crumbling family together.

I cant think of a name for it, hence why i posted this question :)
I’ve written a nice plan where all the things mentioned above tie in nicely into a flowing, non-confusing plot. I’m sorry it was long, but believe me when I say I tried to keep it short.
Honest opinions please, and thank you so much for reading.

Answer 1

My only criticism is around the length of the plot. It's quite dense, you seem to have a lot going on for one novel! I think that what you pitched would be very suitable for a book series. I find the plot interesting and refreshing and it definitely is not another cliched romantic story. I especially like the angle you want to pursue with the love triangle. Very juicy and entertaining! The characters seem convincing enough and I like how they all connect and tie in with Andi. It's as if they all make up bits of her character. All in all, this is definitely a story I would read!



Hope my feedback was helpful :)

Answer 2

Well your storyline is amazing and I want to read more.... The characters are so well thought out I love the whole thing. And I can tell your really passionate about it and that Is most important. If you feel this story is waiting to be told, tell it! You burning desire for writing will take you far. But you are very talented. Don't give up you are definately on to something here.

Answer 3

I would advise against the one character being native american, not because you highlighted any particular stereotypes or anything, but most non-native authors DO portray native americans stereotypically and because of this alone, you might lose some of your audience (natives rarely read romance novels where native culture is exploited).



I would read your book because it sounds fascinating.

Answer 4

You better go with making your "half" Native American character, Macedonian instead, considering you obviously haven't a clue about the Native community and how it works.