What do you think of my writing.....any suggestions?

Question

I wrote about a paragraph out of my fantasy story that I plan on writing for fun soon.Here it is.....


Karen Numasse proceeded cautiously down the dark, rather frightening, hallway that seemed to go on for an eternity. She would never have guessed that this was part of the same structure as the glorious Temple of the Light. Even the lower quarters of the white robes laid several stories above her. The stone floor was damp for some reason and Karen shivered as her foot stomped on something that squished under her weight, then shivered again simply because of the cold. She refrained from looking down at whatever it was she had trodden over, partly because of her fear that it may be yet another deceased rat and partly because she knew it would not have done any good. The corridors of the floors several stories beneath the ground level of the temple were very badly lit, and there were large gaps of darkness between the pools of light that surrounded the lanterns hanging on the walls. The servants often tried to skip their duties when they were ordered to light the lanterns this low in the temple as it was usually useless. Karen stared at every dwindling flame on every lantern that she passed fearing that it may go out any second. She could use Cal’Aldazar to light the hallway easily, but keeping the hallway lit for long would begin to drain her energy slowly, and the Father knew she needed all the energy that she could muster for this task. She scowled and gripped the note she clutched in her hand tighter as she stepped in yet another puddle, causing the hem of her dress to become even damper than before. Father of Light! She could have wept! No, she would not let her guard down; she needed every ounce of concentration she possessed to do this. Grinning slightly with relief as she entered a pool of light, she lifted up the letter that had brought her down here. Unfolding it and carefully smoothing it out, Karen read it yet again…..

excluding the parts that you have to have read the rest of the story to understand,was it interesting?What did you think of it?Any suggestions on how to make it better?Any input would be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

Writing well is hard, even if you are gifted. Less than 100 people make a good living from writing fiction in all the US. Only a few from writing fantasy or Sci-Fi. Of course you state that you want to write for fun and thats fine but it still needs to be readable. For fun or for profit the goal is the same - to perfect your art. You are at the beginning of the curve here but if you really have a passion and are willing to work hard to improve your craft you could do well. You obviously have a functioning imagination and thats half the battle. Next, you need to join a good online writing group where you can really learn a great deal and progress quite quickly. I would recommend Orson Scott Cards Hatrack for the genre you are writing. It's free and it's an extremely good group with several published authors who are willing to help those willing to learn.



http://www.hatrack.com/forums/writers/cgi/Ultimate.cgi

Answer 2

i thought it was pretty good, but try not to use karen so much. try using she in place of it. the ending was the best part. i wanted to know so badly what the letter said.







i'm writing a book too for fun.

can you tell me if mine is good?

Answer 3

i think it's amazing. i love your writing style. i don't know how old you are, but yo could SO be an author!



you could explain things a little more though. but other wise... !