Any writing tips based on this besides grammar and spelling? *keep in mind im 12..lol*?

Question

We'd been the best of friends since 1st grade,me and Karli..Went everywhere together. She had also been alot more popular than me,friends with ever girl i hated. Its not like she ditched me alot but..More than a best friend should. We were in 9th grade now..At the bottom again. For me at least. We walked to the bus now, in almost silence.
"Karlii!" two way to peppy bratty voice yelled from behind me,completly ignoring me and pushing through me to take brooke away,"Kar,are you talking to me or Jamie and Aleigha?" I whispered. " Ill catch up to you!" She yelled and i walked away. Thinking "This is the last time shes doing this to me." I knew it wasnt true. I always came back to her. She was my only best friend..She wasnt a very good one though. Sure we had our laughs,our twin moments,our inside jokes..They way Jamie pushed through me changed that though,the way she didnt defend me ever,the way im never her first choice.
I climbed on the bus fighting the tears and taking my seat,putting my backpack beside me. I didnt want to talk to her right now. At all. I watched as she got on and took another seat next to someone else i didnt like not even looking at me. I looked out the window,biting my liip to stop the tears. Someone was walking towards me,and to tell you the truth,he was finnne!
"Theres no other seat.." He said politly asking me to move my backpack. I clenched my fist so i could let go of my lip,"Go ahead." I moved my back pack to my lap,looking back out the window. The bus started moving foward and i leaned my head on the window,ready for a long ride. I was the last stop so i always tried to sleep. I let a tear or two escape,i knew he wasnt looking at me and it was getting hard to hold it in for this long.
"You okay?" He looked over at me. I sighed and pushed my hair back. "Yeah."



Im not done,i know. Im also just writing for fun too so idc about spelling and stuff. I also dont want to hear about my age..

Answer 1

Nice job. But two things you might try.



(1) First-person narratives usually don't work very well. They can, but you have more latitude when working with another person. This is hard to explain, but readers don't want to be inside you unless you are describing something that is going on inside you. Your character is entirely external, so change the "I" to someone else who is doing these things.

(2) Use more feelings and imagery. Like when getting on the bus "fighting the tears." When anyone is fighting tears, there is a lot more going on in side them. The driver looks at you a certain way. Some kids on the bus are indifferent. Some might giggle and whisper. Set the scene. Make it like a movie where the reader can't help but be drawn into the emotion , too.



You have talent, kid. Don't quit working on it.

Answer 2

Normally I'd ignore the grammar and spelling if asked to, but this is rather bad... If you're going to post it for other people, at least try to clean it up. Age shouldn't be a factor; if you want to be a good writer, there's no reason not to start now. You should still be able to show a decent grasp of the English language even if the writing is just "for fun".



On the actual plot: The main character sounds like a brat. I just don't like her. Despite all her complaints about how Karli isn't a very good friend, the narrator isn't much better. She refuses to talk to Karli about any of this. She walks away when Karli's friends come up. She offers no reason for blaming Karli for wanting to have other friends. She doesn't seem to have a reason for disliking every person in her best friend's life. Right now, I just can't relate to her. You should either address the fact that she's being hypocritical, or give her valid reasons for behaving the way that she does.



He was 'finnne' -> this sounds like something that Karli or her "preppy, bratty" friends would say. It makes her sound just as judgmental and superficial as the people she supposedly hates.



It's a decent story, but you need to spend some time fleshing out the characters. Figure out why Karli and the narrator aren't getting along, why the narrator hates Karli's friends, whether or not Karli's aware of what's going on in the narrator's head.



EDIT: If most of the people who read your story think that your character is the brat, there's probably a reason for that. You shouldn't be asking for critiques if you're just going to blame everyone who doesn't adore your story.

Answer 3

If you're writing just for fun and don't care about spelling and stuff, what makes you think anyone is interested in trying to figure out what you are writing? And what makes you think anyone cares about your age? I'm more concerned the the rudeness of presenting such unfinished work and asking people to give it serious consideration

Answer 4

I'm 12, too.



I noticed you had a ton of spelling mistakes, and alot of senteces with two dots at the end.... It should go more like this:





"Stuck like glue," Our mother would sigh. It was true. Me and Carli where best friends, but we had hangups like any friendship would have. Carli ung out with every girl I couldn't stand, and she was populer; unlike me.



It wasen't like she ignored me alot, it's just she would somtimes turn her shoulder on me, and toss her hair.



That was first grade. Now it's 9th.



I pushed throughthe bus with Carli at m sid. "Kar!" a high voice yelled from behind uS.



********You get the idea. But spelling isjus as important as your writing. You should care. If you spell wrong, people think your a ratty writer.******

Answer 5

Well, if you imply right here on R&S, i'm hoping I do. I do know my grammar and spelling are bad (just about wrote is), however it's the message one is attempting to bring that's foremost. Proper, grammar and spelling help get the point across less difficult and make it less complicated to be taken significantly. Spell verify does not work at all times and in many instances i attempt to reduce and paste for the causes above. Yet i will get pressed for time and just write as exceptional i will be able to so the individual can recieve a good reply which will have to no longer be confused with a scholarly work. My Father, who only has a 6th grade education, can barely write and but when he does I don't write him back or proper him. He deserves recognize and is rather clever on spiritual matters and different areas as good. Plus there are few portions of gear he can't function. We of the school set would be trained from his example. Best a fool passes up skills considering the fact that of grammar and spelling.