Question:
Do you find my writing engaging/interesting?
charlie farlie
2011-09-30 11:28:16 UTC
The children had heard about both the accidents in the same way. Emily and Sam had pressed their ears against the closed, wooden door, sucking up any hint of a word until they ached from the strain.
'Thomas dragged her from the water, one can only assume he -'
'He would never do such a thing. He's a very sweet boy,'
'What about that incident with the mice?'
'All boys do silly things like that. Why, only yesterday, our Sammy was squashing ants with his little thumb. My God, I don't believe Thomas would...I can't believe it...'
'What if he hadn't meant to do it? What if it was accident? He's just a boy..it would have only been a trick that went on a moment too long...' the children could hear sobbing, a chair pushed back and footsteps moving around the table.
'I just keep thinking, what if it had been Sammy and Emily? What if they'd been playing? Would Sammy have done the same thing? Oh, Emily...' there was the brushing sound of a hand being rubbed up and down upon the back of a neck.
'Should we write to Ruth? Do you think she'd want to see us?'
'I doubt she'd let you in if you travelled to visit her. Let's write something to her this evening.' There was more sobbing, from both parents, and sniffing and muttering. Sam knocked on the door, his little fist made only the lightest of knocks, a tap. Emily kicked him in the shin. There was a pause.
'Children?' Emily pushed open the door and she and her brother stepped, blinking, into the bright light of the kitchen.
'Were you listening?' their father asked, staring at their chubby faces. They shook their heads, curls bouncing simultaneously.
'Oh, well, then, we have a bad thing to tell you,' their mother looked at their father for reassurance. He nodded.
'What did Thomas do?' Sam vomited the words out before he'd realised what he'd said. His father glared at him, 'you shouldn't have lied to me,' he muttered.
'Your cousin Rebecca has died,' their mother croaked, her voice wavering. Emily looked at the floor.
'Did Thomas do it?' Sam asked, pulling on his mother's skirt.
'You shouldn't say things like that, son. Nobody knows. He was with her when she died and that is all we know. Your Aunt Ruth thinks he did it, but she would. She's a strange woman, you shouldn't believe everything she says,' their father poured himself a large glass of amber whiskey. He drank it in one long gulp, swinging his head back.
'How?' Emily asked.
'She drowned in the lake at their house. Thomas and her were playing together, I'm sorry children. But, you must understand that it will be hardest of all for your Aunt Ruth and your cousin Thomas.' Emily and Sam nodded furiously. Their father put his arms around their tiny shoulders.

A week later, the children heard about the second accident. They had their cheeks pushed against the kitchen door, straining to hear the hushed conversation.
'It's spooky. I can't quite believe it's happened. I don't know what to think. What must poor Ruth be feeling? Oh my, oh your poor sister,'
'She never liked Thomas. She loved that Rebecca with all the love she had, but none for Thomas. Not even the tiniest little kiss or hug. Nothing.'
'He was her son! You can't say she wouldn't feel any different about his death than Rebecca's!'
'I don't know, darling, she's a strange woman.' Sam forced open the door and stumbled into the kitchen, his eyes shining with tears.
'Is cousin Thomas dead?' he howled. His mother nodded and began to sob.
'How? Why?' Emily kicked her father's shoes. He held her hands and knelt to look in her eyes.
'He too drowned in the lake, like his sister. You must be strong, Emily, you must be strong for them. You and Samuel will attend the funeral on Tuesday morning, and that will be that, do you understand? Everything will be as it was, is that clear?' Emily nodded and sniffed.
Three answers:
anonymous
2011-09-30 11:44:08 UTC
It was very engaging. I think the dialogue was fine. Is this the opening to a story? It's got a good hook. One grammatical note: it should be "She and Thomas" not "Thomas and her" (were playing.) Very clever and descriptive. You should post what comes next.
anonymous
2011-09-30 18:32:15 UTC
It's good, the only thing is there's to much dialogue. Cut that down and you're onto a winner!



- Janice xox
?
2011-09-30 19:00:21 UTC
I liked it, but if this is the beginning of a novel then there's a bit too much dialogue. It's an engaging read so far though.



Answer mine please?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20110930111527AAaBHlH


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