Opinions needed for a few plot aspects?

Question

I've been planning this high fantasy story since I was roughly 15. It's come a long way, and thus far, I'm pretty proud of it; however, I would still like some opinions on some plot aspects. I want it to mean something to the reader, but at the same time I want it to be appealing to a wide range of people. The story will integrate the idea of ancient religious cults, political hierarchies, philosophical theories and studies based on the teachings of Aristotle, Plato, and Epicurus, with some modern ideas. Of course there will be a forbidden romance, a hero with a tragic childhood, and an epic fight displaying good vs. evil. But I want to make sure that none of these aspects are cliché, nor do they dominate the main purpose of the story.

The first aspect is the forbidden romance between the protagonist and another main character. The protagonist is a young woman who was left a legacy when her mother died, and it was a legacy that she was forced to inherit by blood: the fact that she can communicate with the spirit world. She cannot communicate with the entire spirit world, however, just a single link to the spirit world. This link comes to her in the form of a Guardian named Noki. After an event at the beginning of the story, the protagonist completely loses her ability to speak, and is only able to communicate her thoughts to Noki, with whom she communicates telepathically. She and Noki bond in ways that help them grow together, and she finds herself slowly falling in love with an entity that she can't see or touch (except in her dreams, in which she can see his form).

The second aspect is the struggle for power. When she was young, the protagonist was banished by her father from her powerful, wealthy family after a murder left her mother-less and her two elder brothers were killed as well. When she discovers how corrupt the political hierarchy is, she is determined to right the wrongs in the government and reclaim her title as a noble member of society in order to gain a say against the powerful Archons. She is the only rightful heir to her father's power and estate although she is a female, and needs only to prove it.

The final aspect is the main conflict in the story. The protagonist is sought after because of her ability to communicate with the spirit world and all the power she is granted along with it. Of course she is sought after both by those fighting for justice and those fighting for darkness, but she simply wants to make her own way in the world. Eventually though, she has to make a choice. She nearly makes the wrong choice, but rights herself in the end.

Any opinions on these?
Thanks so much!

Answer 1

I'm not certain what kind of opinion you're looking for so I'll try to address several angles.



1) They are all cliche and predictable. The "chosen" heiress whose throne was usurped, struggles to regain her legacy and repair her broken realm with the help of various mythical beings/creatures. In order to reclaim her lands she must fight the epic battle between good vs evil.



** Good things: you include enough tropes that will appeal to fantasy readers who enjoy reading about them. Bad points: the plot line is predictable which will bore the reader. To prevent this, insert unexpected plot twists. Even if the outcome is predictable (she wins and "good" prevails over "evil"), the plot twists will have distracted the reader enough to forgive a little predictability.



2) You don't mention what the "evil" enemy's motivation is. This is key to the protagonist's struggle seeing as the protagonist's goals are thwarted by the villain(s).



3) I like the spirituality aspect (another common trope in fantasy but a necessary one, in my humble opinion), but you might be confusing "forbidden" love with "impossible" love, seeing as she's fallen in love with her spirit guide and he's a sentient, non-physical being.



4) You said you want the story to mean something to readers so to do this you need to introduce meaningful themes. You need to address topics that will force the reader to think or feel rather than tell a linear, predictable story that is derivative of Lord of the Rings (or any other high fantasy out there). I applaud your intentions to add substance to your story. And you might want to use this as allegory to address real-life issues (which will facilitate the meaningfulness readers get out of the story).



5) If you want to appeal to a lot of readers, you may want to include more point of view characters. Nothing puts a reader off more than being stuck with one protagonist they can't relate to. But this depends on your goals and your story's demands.



Overall, I read nothing that immediately interested me or inspired me to read fantasy. This story lacks the "wow" factor that should differentiate it from its competition.



I hope you find something useful out of my long-winded answer. Good luck with your writing :)

Answer 2

There are a lot of good points here, so I won't re-hash them. I will say that this story sounds massive already, on a George Martin scale. This story won't be easy!



If you're going to start off with a protagonist that is the worst version of herself (an excellent way to write), then make her compelling - nobody will read about someone who they dislike, and who does nothing but react to the things that happens to them. Your girl should have a proactive life before the major storyline begins. She should have hopes and dreams that are completely interrupted when the story gets going. This will also give her depth.



When it inevitably comes down to good versus evil, leave vaudeville at the door. Blurring the divide between the two is so much more effective - show the evil side as being ruthless adherents to what they think is right, even if it is to the detriment of others rather than two-dimensional villains. Also, build corruption into the good side that makes the reader root for them, but stops them from loving the good guys.



Maybe even when it's all said and done and she's chosen the good guys there is still a little doubt as to whether it was the best choice, or if there was some un-though of third option.

Answer 3

What makes the young woman interesting, besides her ability to communicate with Noki? Why is she the hero? She simply wants to make her way in the world, you write. What way is that? There should be some essential theme behind her.

In the Twelve Kingdoms, another high fantasy, the young woman protagonist struggles with popularity and integrity, dependence on superficial approval or dependence on inner principle. She is a complex character. I want to see similar complexity in your young woman, otherwise it is not her story.

Set your character as the worse she could possibly be to start. The young woman I mentioned was completely dependent on the criticisms of others. She was annoying, whiny, and naïve. By the end of the series, she is a just empress who brings good fortune to her kingdom. I love the journey this character undertook.

Make your young woman unlikable, awful. This makes her eventual ascension all the more potent.

Answer 4

There are some "cliche" elements, but I don't think that necessarily has to be a bad thing. They're more like archetypes than cliches--they only become cliche if they are presented in a trite, boring way that has been done many times before. The reason these archetypes come up again and again in literature (and elsewhere) is because they are universal and almost everyone can relate to them and feels compelled by them. Your responsibility is to present them in a way that sets them apart from what readers have seen before, and endear us to your particular characters and story.



I think your story has a lot of promise. My only concerns would be 1) that you don't take on more than you can execute well. You seem to have a lot of elements in this story, and to pull them all off you're going to have to strike a good balance with subtlety. Without reading your story there's no way to know if you've done this, but I don't think it's impossible and the way you present yourself suggests that you have the competence to pull this off.



2) I have one small continuity point that you may address within the context of your story. It may not be something all readers would question, but I questioned it, so it may be necessary to address it. My question is, if the only "spirit" your protagonist can communicate with is Noki, why is she so sought after? Do her pursuers know that he is her only link to the spirit world? Must Noki always give her the truth to her inquiries, so that she could be forced to use him to connect to the wider spirit world? Or is he bound, as her guardian, to protect her, so that he could make it impossible for her to be used by force by others? If that is the case, then readers will ask why Noki (if he returns her love, even in a non-romantic sense) doesn't cut her off to keep her safe, or doesn't send other spirits to help her.

Answer 5

yes