Is this story good? Sorry for the length.?

Question

Sorry for the length and punctuation-by the way I'm only 12.
I bolted in the bed trying to catch my breath, one hand holding on my skin, and other stifling a scream. For the past four years I have been with the same dream, the memory of that night have refused to be locked up with all the other memories. Refused to leave; always happy to remind me it was like I was not allowed to forget.
There was no way I could go back to sleep now, so I ascended from the bed and turn on my lamp. As I walked on my spacious room I glanced in the full-length mirror to critique my appearance. My blond hair was tangled, blond and has not been washed for days, my face was makeup-free and red from the crying, and dried tears stained my pale face. Typical.
I sighed and began the white curtains. The sky was black and cloudy, and every now and then thunder would crash and break the silence is not so peaceful night. I have turned off the lamp .. I was fixed on the window seat with my favorite pillow, laid there and see the midnight thunderstorm. I'm not sure how long I gazed out the window, but I suspect it was a long time, because the black sky became tinted with dark blue, I geleun against the wall and closed my eyes and concentrate on the last time I actually feel happy and carefree, and I soon began to fell asleep. It felt like I only slept for 5 minutes, but apparently it was much longer.
"Saffron, wake up," Papa said, shaking my shoulder.
My ice-blue eyes opened fire in the bright light.
"It is after seven, if you do not stand up now, you will not be late for school," I was surprised to see him, he's been away for work recently. I could tell that he just came back from his latest business trip, he had a furrowed gray suit and a dark shadow had been wearing under his eyes, exhausted.
I yawned and nod.
"Come downstairs when you are ready and I'll drive you to school," he left my room and closed the door behind him.
I waited until I heard his footsteps pounding on the kitchen floor above my room before I dashed into the bathroom in the hall.
I am the door closed and geleun my hands at the sink. My skin had a strange blue glow, from so pale. It was so awful Bieng trelling pale and everyone you know and you're embarressing when your sister is ooh-ed and aww-ed over at least once a week. Yes, I doubt you guessed right, but, yes, she is a pagent girl. I used to be one, oh yeah, and a gymnast.
You probally also wonder why I do not do any of this no more. I literally wanted a natural at gymnastics, and my mom just wanted me to a "pagent girl" to be, I quit pagents when I was 6 (now my little sister, Bailey, who's 6, my happy place) because that was when I could quit. Gymnastics is a different story.
**********
I was 8 and could compete at the Junior Olympics, my dad thought I could do everything perfect, so he thought I would also be ideal. There was just too much pressure on me, I knew I could not do it. I had to prove that my father wrong. I was in the lead then, in the semi-final, I just could not not do it. I had to step out. What I did not realize that the U.S. would lose, not me.
I walked out.
Yes, I regret it now. Everyone thought it was my fault (well it sort of is). U.S. has lost. Japan won. It haunted me for years, everybody hates me for it.
***********
I put on my dark glasses, and splashed my face with cold water, trying to beat some awake in me, which I am not terribly op.
I had the water turned off and I had my toothbrush in the drawer, and brushed my pearl white teeth while staring into my reflection in the mirror.
"Saffron, the last time that you are going to be late!" My father's voice rang throughout the house downstairs.
"Ugh, come on, guys," I practically yelled as loud as I could.
I ran downstairs and grab my pink Kipling messenger bag, pink North Face, lunch (I packed it the day before) and pink IPhone spoilage and see Bailey sitting there eating french toast, because fortunately it had to go to school today, because of the teacher / parent confrences. Happy. I uitgehardloop to my father's Prussian and pulled the door closed.
"Are we picking up Elizabeth today?" my dad asked me.
"Yes," I answered.
Me: Hey Lizzy comes in 3 min. you ready?
I have waited a minute and replied, ya you remember your fourth quarterly report? And it is signed /
Me: yes and no ill have my dad sign it you can nearly the end of the year blive?
Elizabeth Blackwell: no way !!!!!!!!!!! had to turn off my phone cellular phone in 20 sec, see
My dad turns into Elizabeth's white circular driveway and I was already in her little sisters and brothers playing outside and then Elizabeth ran out the door with her identical bag like mine (and press), its NorthFace (and press), and her IPhone purple. She hopped in the car and said: "Wowaha, Saffy !!!!!! Bad hair day? Mr. Bradely Hi!"
"Sure," I mumbled, but I was almost positive she did not hear me not.
I had my bag to make sure I have not forgotte

Answer 1

Its a good plot... every book is going to have someone that likes it. Plus, if you completed it and sent it to an editor, they would mess with your punctuation so don't worry about that :D. Seems like a fun book to write, I would continue. Don't you have to be 13 to be on Yahoo Answers? It's okay. I started writing books at age 9 (They FAIL)... so don't be sad you are young.

Answer 2

Hmm..Not certain. He won't ask you out given that you two already dated. Especially given that you broke up with him two days later and then you definitely two hadn't talked in a 12 months. Best wager is solely cross speak to him. Explain why the whole lot occurred and what the issues had been. If you do not desire to speak to him, check out writing a be aware. And be exceptional and sufferer approximately the whole lot. As for the staring, boys are dumb. May or is probably not whatever. Could be that he misses you, would be that he likes you once more, would be that he feels affliction and is gazing you in disappointment. Never recognise with boys

Answer 3

It's good, but you need to clear some things up. The first part you may want to change, or even rewrite. Your style doesn't really fit the situation, either. The story didn't really capture me, either... The word 'I' was used a bit too much, but you should know that most everyone does that. It's a bit messy, so you should go back a edit it. But anyway, keep going! You're doing great!



:)

Answer 4

I didn't really understand the last section at ALL. Some places it looked like you had just banged random letters onto the keyboard and the last part was just plane comfusing. You need to say "I texted..." or something if that last part is being texted, and I don't understand what "(and press)" means.

Answer 5

th beginning was beautiful but toward the end it got a little confusing maybe you jumbled up the words? maybe you can add more deatails on your conversation and what happened in the past :]

Answer 6

GREAT! me to!