what do you think of the opening description of my story setting?

Question

So this would be about half of the description to my story. Hows it going any feedback is good. i might not add it all, i mostly wrote it for myself so i know my story setting you know?

Underneath the carpet of snow, that suffocates all life, is a small village wrapped in mystery. Scattered around two icy roads are five houses, and three buildings, they stand fragile like a glass statue during an earthquake. Surrounding our village is a buzzing fence willing to pull your soul from your body at a single touch. Outside the fence are thousands of ever greens, covered in thick white snow.
The church sits imposingly on the corner of the two roads. With its grand stone pillars, vibrant stain glassed window, and cross that can be seen anywhere, its gives a powerful impression. The library -which is also our school- cowers next to the church. It’s a cold building, in every way. The large pillars, and great wooden doors guide you into library.
The library is small and crowed, filled with shelves of books. There are only a few lanterns in the library, leaving a strange glow after the sun has set. The smell of wax and paper fills the dank room. The marble floor clinks beneath whoever walks on it, and the green walls feel like they might swallow you. At the end of the room is a door leading to the teachers room, and a spiraling stair case, leading you to a small balcony, that over looks the library. This is were we learn. There are rows of wooden desks, and a fire place at the end of the room next to the teachers desk. Although the library is supposedly a public building it is a seldom occasion for anyone to step inside.
The town hall is a strange building. It looks out of place among our wooden houses, and old brick buildings. It is made of a strange material and has no windows and looks very awkward. Half the rooms are out of bounds, to even the mayor. In fact the only rooms that we are allowed to go in, is the mayors office, the town hall and the supply dome. Farther doesn’t like me going there alone, but once he was very ill, and I had to pick up our weekly supply’s. Inside the hall was as strange as it was outside. The front door guides you into a vast auditorium, filled with hundreds of black chairs placed in row upon row, all facing a small platform raised above the ground with a large screen behind it. Across the room are two doors. One room leads to the mayors room, a room iv never entered before. In the other room is the supply room, filled with shelves stacked with our weekly rations

Answer 1

Too much purple prose, and overwhelming, flowery description



Keep it simple. Writing something like "it was a quaint, english styled village blanketed in snow. Situated near the large, mountainous region and surrounded by evergreens, it seemed small and fragile in comparison" is more than enough to give us an idea of this village. Attempting to describe each and every single detail of every room in this village merely confuses readers, and takes far too long to register. You can go in to detail once a character enters a room, but once again, keep your openings short! Remember the policy 'leave something up to the imagination'



If you read screenplays, you'll see that each new scene in a film is started with a "scene heading", which is basically a succinct description of your location is as little lines as possible; short, sweet, and to the point, packing a powerful punch and allowing us to get a lasting impression. You should try looking at these to learn how to better open your locations



Trust me; the number one indicator of a new and inexperienced (or just plain bad) writer is when everything is sprinkled with adjectives and vague metaphors, such as "the table, like a pillar of truth, oaken shade and draped majestically in a gossamer sheet of white cloth, blah, blah...". This absolutely screams "look at me! I know how to use a thesaurus!" If you look at some truly skilled, popular writers nowadays (Stephanie meyers ain't one of them), you'll notice that they keep things simple. The complexity of their story comes from the plot and from the characters; not how many adjectives they can make readers wade through; one of my favorite authors is Stephen king



Good luck!

Answer 2

To be honest, I don't think you need this much description in one solid block. If you are just setting the scene of the village, you don't need to tell the reader all the sights, sounds and smells of the library interior. It's just not necessary all in one go. If your character goes inside the library then you can describe it, but until then it probably isn't necessary. The same goes for the other places you've described.

Answer 3

Honestly i think it's a bit over done, but just rid of the excess and the story will flow much more smooth. Otherwise, it sounds like a great start to a great story. You may also want to watch the way you transition between your paragraphs.

Answer 4

Just about every comma you used is not needed.