what do u think of my story.. or what i have right now?

Question

I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO THE PLOT, BUT THIS WAS A DREAM I HAD LAST NIGHT, AND IT WAS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO ME TO START WRITING IT INTO A BOOK.



All is peaceful on The Jentella. Nothing is wrong, at least that you can see above the black waters. But something is wrong below. I know there is. I hear the captain talking about it. I hear the murmurs going about that we are in danger. But I wonder why? What could possibly
be wrong?
"Vivienne, are you in there?" My friend, Charolette asks through the bathroom door.
"Yeah, I'm just washing my hands. I'll be out in a minute." I reply.
"Oh, Ok. We're all going to the deck - Captain Lewis has something to tell us."
I knew it. Something is wrong. "Ok, comming." I dry my hands and open the door.

Carolette has to step back to make room for us to both stand in the crowded quarters of the ship. We hurry down the hall to the stairs. When we get to the stairs we have to bend down to make sure we dont hit your head going down. The stairs are low and close together. We walk down two flights, in an uncomportable crouch.
When we get to deck, there are many people standing there. Looking out into the waters. Watching. I wonder what they are watching so I grab Charolettes' hand and pull her to the rail. There, in the water, are at least a dozen killer whales. They are close together in a pod, and makes the water splashy with so much movement. But the orcas are not what's troubling us, it's the boat behind the whales. The war boat.
Charolette and I stand in shocked silence as a missle comes from the war boat, and strikes an orca. Some of the ladies on our boat scream. I start to wonder why they are killing the whales. Will the boat come after us too?


I JUST STARTED.
THE PLOT IS THE 'WAR BOAT' BAD GUYS COME TO OUR BOAT (THE JENTELLA) AND WE ARE READY FOR A WAR - WITH GUNS AND SUCH. THEN I FIND OUT MY FRIEND CHAROLETTE IS 'TEAMED UP' WITH THE WAR BOAT PEOPLE.
VERY WEIRD DREAM - FOR A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL (:

SO, WHAT DO U THINK OF MY STORY? / DREAM

Answer 1

Wow 13 Yo are doing so well. Keep it up.

Can I offer some tips?

Tell the story from one of these perspectives:

first person I my;

or third person observations about She they

or Omniscient as if from gods view point, all knowing and narrative; instead of we or our.

You can switch but try to stick to one perspective for a while before yo do so. Describe where you go and how you feel then you can add that your friend followed you or what you said to her.

"I hear ladies on our ship scream." Instead of "some ladies on our boat scream."

You have a great imagination keep up with your writing. You are doing great!

Also Short Stories are a little less intimidating than a book or novel.

You might check for FREE contests you can enter your story into, such as are offered by the readers digest.

Answer 2

Not bad. This has promise, although if you intend to put this in a cohesive story format you are going to have to give a plausible reason why the War Boat is shooting missiles at a pod of orcas and then at the Jentella.

Still, this is a great creative exercise if you go through with it. Have fun with it and good luck.

Answer 3

It was good enought to keep me wanting to read it farther. One of the things I didn't like was the open question "Will the boat come after us too?" You could make Charolette ask that or have her hear someone else say it not too far away, or have Will the boat come after us too, I wondered as the war boat aimed another shot. But keep going. I wish I had adream that I could make into a story. The only dreams I get are my dad wanting to eat me and giant spiders sitting on yellow chairs outside. But anyways I enjoyed reading it, keep going, you have an interesting story and it could go far if you let it. good luck

Answer 4

nicely, for my maximum recent tale, i became inspired by technique of television. oftentimes television conjures up me in any case. yet this one is different. i became staring at Terra Nova on television, or maybe nonetheless it wasn't that enormous of a coach, I nevertheless said the flexibility in it. and then i determined that writing a unique with dinosaurs might want to be so cool, and something so compared to something i have ever finished beforehand. So then I embarked on all this planning with a majority of those different characters, and it became going to ensue interior the jungle with dinosaurs. Then I continued the planning procedure and rewrote outlines. Then i began, and wrote a poor beginning i finished up scrapping. And now i have were given the conception down. And the humorous element is, dinosaurs are not even component to it anymore. So the element that really inspired this novel, would not even exist interior the unconventional anymore. It does nevertheless, besides the indisputable fact that, ensue interior the jungle, besides the indisputable fact that the conception is only about thoroughly different from the unique inspired idea.

Answer 5

Its good i had no idea what could have been coming thats whats good about some stories so far i give it a 12 outta 10

Answer 6

It could be a little more interesting but its really a good plot.There is definatly no other book out there about this so just perservere and keep going and maybe you can get it published

Answer 7

Hmm, quite good. Needs a few spots of editing - coming is misspelled, and you might want to change one of the "watching"s to a synonym - but I'm impressed.

Answer 8

wow this story is very very creative and i agree a very weird dream for a 13 year old lol cause i am 13 too but i mainly dream about my horse lol anyways good luck

Answer 9

i like it. i sounds like a good story.