Is my book any good? Please answer with constructive criticism.?

Question

I will let you read only a portion of it. I want an honest opinion, don't be cruel though. If it stinks just say something along the lines of it wasn't good. If you have an opinion on why it's not good then let me know so i can learn from my mistakes. If you see any grammar errors then please let me know.


Ella arrived home from a long day at school. Still listening to her music player she slammed the large white wooden door. She threw her books down on the marble table, and paused her music. It was quiet, oddly quiet. She looked around expecting her three brothers to pop out of no where like they normally do. This didn’t happen though.
Pulling one of the earphones out of her ear she looked around suspiciously. She took the other headphone out of her ear slowly as she spun around.
“Hello, anyone home?” Ella shifted uneasily. Sensing that there was something wrong she dashed around the house. Checking her brothers room, the master bedroom, her room, the living room, and every other room in the house. Having no luck finding them she dialed her moms phone number into her cell. She then heard her moms phone ringing, “Doo bop! Doo bop bop! Cling chang chang!” In full speed she ran all the way down the staircase into the kitchen. She saw her moms phone lighting up. No she’s not home.


Please don't copy this it's what i wrote and you have no right to it. Thank you!

Answer 1

It's not bad...but it sounds slightly immature. I really wish I knew where it was going, as that would make it easier to tell if the storyline you were trying to develop is good. The imagery is good, which for some people can be very difficult to write, but the paragraph doesn't make a lot of sense and you have events happening very quickly, meaning you may want to add more background information. For example, discuss her life the previous day, that way the reader gets a feel for why this instance is not normal.



Writing is really difficult, and I'm not at all saying that I know everything and that your story is bad. I honestly think that you could go somewhere with it and it could be really good. What might really help you is reading...honestly. It helps me a lot. You can get a feel for how to develop plots and characters by reading what other people have written and you can get ideas as to how to make the story flow really well.



Good luck with this! I hope it goes well for you!

Answer 2

for your vocabulary and grammar mistakes, i suggest you use http://spellcheckplus.com/



The scene was happening too fast... one thing after the other. It was confusing me a little.

ex. in the first paragraph fix sentences because they are very very short.



fix up for par. 1.: Ella entered her house after a long day of school, still listening to her i pod. She slammed the large wooden door and threw her books on the marble table, scanned the room around her, expecting her three brothers to pop out but they didn't. She took out her earphones and realized that the silence that surrounded her was odd.





Otherwise i loved the plot. i wonder what happened to her family, kidnapped? killed? crashed?



Good job so far... continue!

Answer 3

I am a soft reviewer, so don't worry. ;)

Now, let's see...The grammatical errors are a little distracting, but you can fix it over time.(hopefully)

You can also add a little more...flair to your writing, like instead of:

"Still listening to her music player she slammed the large white wooden door", you can write:

"With her ear phones still hanging on her ears, she tiredly and carelessly slammed the large white wooden door."

See? It can show us more about how she felt. And a good writer can even add more detail than me, I know I suck at this..>.>

This beginning sounds promising though, I hope it will be the opening for an awesome story! =D



You could always consider joining me and other young writers on Young writer society (YWS) for better reviews and feed backs:

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/



Note: I am not an advertiser and I am not paid to do this, so really, please join us, I would be glad to help you on your writing!

Answer 4

Honestly, it sounds like a middle schooler wrote it

Answer 5

Really at this point, you don't need to worry about grammar, just type it and edit it later.





It's good. WRITE MORE!

Answer 6

That is really good if that was a book I would so buy it!

Answer 7

not enough info

Answer 8

Yeah it was really really great! i WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! haha

Answer 9

sooo wat happens wat happen to the mom and the kids... you cant just like do that give us a little more it really caught my attention what kind of story is this



-horror

-drama

-action

Answer 10

cool :D