Please answer, would you keep reading this?

Question

----The only thing I could hear in the empty street was the air pushing in and out of my lungs, and two sets of racing feet hitting the ground. He was close now, much too close, but I couldn’t make my legs move me any faster. The bullet in my shoulder was stinging my entire left side, and I felt like I could collapse at any moment. There was no crowd for me to blend with, and no noise to drown out the sounds of my movements. There was me, and there was my hunter who was breathing steadily, not tired. The space between us was rapidly shrinking. I was sure that at least two of my ribs were broken, and I had already lost too much blood.
----How could I miss that shot?
----A loud bang echoed off the tall buildings around me. I shrieked in pain as another bullet pierced the back of my arm, and my knees gave out beneath me. This time, I fell, and I hit the ground hard, scraping the skin on my elbows, my palms, and my face. There was a sharp ringing in my head that scrambled my thoughts. I struggled to remember how to lift myself back onto my feet, and tried to ignore the screaming pain in my arms when I pushed my body upward. The man’s footsteps were louder now, and I knew that the next time I fell, I wouldn’t have the chance to rise again. I had no idea where I was going, and I was running out of time to decide.
----But I wasn’t going to die now. Not here. Not like this. For as long as I could remember I believed that I was willing to die for my cause, but now my cause was lost. I didn’t have anything left to give my life for. If I surrendered now I would be killed alone, and would always be remembered as the coward who let everyone down, if anyone cared to remember me at all. So I chose life, and I ran. I forced my tired body to move forward, in any direction that would keep me alive.

Answer 1

Yes, I would keep reading. You've effectively hooked me; I want to know who she's (he's?) running from, and what she's trying to achieve here.

However, I feel that you just have to work a bit to get the writing to flow a bit better. It sounds like you know what you want to say, you just aren't sure how to get it out... like the sentence, "There was me, and there was my hunter who was breathing steadily, not tired." Do you see what I mean, it just doesn't seem to flow in some parts...



My only advice besides that is know the content. I did some research not too long ago about the effects of a shot to the shoulder and learned that it is actually one of the worst places to be shot... I don't remember why, I just remember that you're extremely lucky if you get shot in the shoulder and come away with the full use of your arm, if you're even alive afterwards. a big artery or something runs through there....

Also, people tend to go into shock after being shot... doesn't always happen, but just somethng to think about :)



Okay, sorry for all of that "being shot" info, and sorry if you've done your homework and my memory is just failing me horribly :) It is a good intro, and I'd gladly read on

Good luck and happy writing :)

Answer 2

The only thing I could hear in the empty street was the air pushing in and out of my lungs, and two sets of racing feet hitting the ground. He was close now, much too close, but I couldn’t make my legs move me any faster. The bullet in my shoulder was stinging my entire left side, and I felt like I could collapse at any moment. There was no crowd for me to blend with, and no noise to drown out the sounds of my movements. There was me, and there was my hunter who was breathing steadily, not tired. The space between us was rapidly shrinking. I was sure that at least two of my ribs were broken, and I had already lost too much blood.

----How could I miss that shot?

----A loud bang echoed off the tall buildings around me. I shrieked in pain as another bullet pierced the back of my arm, and my knees gave out beneath me. This time, I fell, and I hit the ground hard, scraping the skin on my elbows, my palms, and my face. There was a sharp ringing in my head that scrambled my thoughts. I struggled to remember how to lift myself back onto my feet, and tried to ignore the screaming pain in my arms when I pushed my body upward. The man’s footsteps were louder now, and I knew that the next time I fell, I wouldn’t have the chance to rise again. I had no idea where I was going, and I was running out of time to decide.

----But I wasn’t going to die now. Not here. Not like this. For as long as I could remember I believed that I was willing to die for my cause, but now my cause was lost. I didn’t have anything left to give my life for. If I surrendered now I would be killed alone, and would always be remembered as the coward who let everyone down, if anyone cared to remember me at all. So I chose life, and I ran. I forced my tired body to move forward, in any direction that would keep me alive.

2 minutes ago - 4 days

Answer 3

Yea me too but it was fron the same person's and the same answers that I got the 10 points for I got 7 best answers yesterday and 17 today it's so freaky I have no Idea whats up cuz I only got that 10 points and no more so beats me. I got a best answer for Im MaKiNg A nEw XaNgA WhAt ShOuLd It Be? and How many Yu Yu hakusho volume are in japan and America? it's so weird.

Answer 4

Very good, compile alot more and possibly keep it or get it published as short stories for Magazines or Novellas for some publishers



Good work!

Answer 5

yes and no.

i don't really like how it's written in First person, i just don't like reading fiction in first person.

it's not entirely boring but i need more, as in more background info. there's not much going on besides the character being shot and them thinking a lot.

Answer 6

Its nice, but then again i only read the first paragraph, not because the story but because im not much of a reader, but other wise yes

Answer 7

That's really good, It does make me wanna read more..defiantly[=

I LOVE your writing style, it pulls the reader in.

What's the entire story about??

Answer 8

**** yeah --



I love the style and imagery, plus an editor could work wonders on some (very slight) readability issues.



Keep it up!

Answer 9

I would definitely. I would also suggest more detail maybe, depending on what effect you're going for.

Answer 10

I cant say I care too much either

Answer 11

Yes, probably

Answer 12

Yeah, I'd totally read it. are you planning to get it published?

Answer 13

Did you wright this it is great! I need to know more!!!!





hope it helps

:)

Answer 14

2 words. awesome.

Answer 15

its really great, it goes on a little, but its really good so far.

Answer 16

I sure would!



And this isn't really my genre, but you got my attention.

Answer 17

i read the whole thing.. its pretty deep lolz did u write it? cuz its gud

Answer 18

Tl;DR

Answer 19

i would keep reading,well i did it's interesting!! if you wrote this that's amazing!!

Answer 20

don't care