I'll do my best critique, but if you want opinions from other writers, I would suggest joining this site: http://www.writingforums.org
When you join you critique other writers, so that you learn to develop your self critiquing skills as well. The site also offers lots of advice on writing, and you can even ask questions about plot development, grammar, etc. It's fantastic. Now about your piece. I'll add in my comments.
Spring is suicide season.(When ever someone says something, it should always be closed in by quotation marks "") Maya whispered it in the morning and cut through my fog and I wouldn’t believe her( You used the word "and" twice here. Try taking out the last one and making a new sentence. A short sentence can be very effective. The "cut through my fog" sounds very poetic, and I'm not sure it would fit very well here. If you decide to use metaphors in your writing, it might be best to use common ones, though if you wish to use this one, feel free, but as a reader, this one doesn't work for me unless it was used in a poem). I crunched my legs further down into the wispy, fading vinyl of the Ariel sleeping bag and bit down to the solid moon of my thumb (Crunching would mean pulling together, so crunching legs further down doesn't really make sense. I am unfamiliar with "the solid moon of my thumb" so it might belong better in a poem.).
The dimples on my fingers my mom had kissed when I caught my breath and swallowed it just right at night, so it looked like I was sleeping, were cut through with fresh knuckles (I had to re-read this one a couple of times. It sounds like a run on sentence. Try dividing it differently.). Sometimes I still stretch the skin over my knuckles, the tendon now streaks through, but it makes me feel somewhat mature (End the sentence at "knuckles" and change "but it" to "and". See if that works for you.).
Then some headlights licked the top of my bag, forcing me to find my darkness at the very base of it (The top of the sleeping bag is the side facing up, and the base seems to mean the closed end. So hiding in the bottom of the sleeping bag doesn't help if the light is on the side facing up. Headlight comes from a sort of vehicle. This would only work if a vehicle was involved. If not, change the sentence. I also don't see how a light would "force" you to hide, unless you didn't want to be seen. You have mentioned this yet, so it may be best to just describe your actions.). My hair turned static and filled up my bubble in the bag (I'm really not sure if "my hair turned static" is proper grammar. It doesn't sound quite right to me). I bit my lip and balled up my fists, trying to myself from grabbing at the hair tie on my wrist (rephrase the part after the comma since even I can't figure out what you mean. Almost sounds like you don't want to put your hair in a ponytail, but it is really tempting).
“Hey,” she said.
She kicked Ariel through the face and slammed my back (This won't work. A sleeping bag doesn't have a face. Also, a kick won't end up in a slam. Try showing the reader the movement, and end with the fact that she kicked you. I'm also wondering, who is "she"?). And I don’t move don’t breath don’t blink (Try not to start a sentence with "And". This sentence also sounds really poetic again.). I was born knowing that silence is a greeting and a fight and a comfort all at once (A fight and a comfort I can understand, but I'm not sure a greeting would be correct in this situation.).
She ripped open the sleeping bag, the zipper flying open too quickly and too smoothly, harshly hissing at me.
“I know you’re awake, “she said while tugging on my bony ankle.
“Huh?”
I slowly lifted my head up, pretending that from the moon there was a string, and while it left it tied a knot around the base of my neck and it was pulling and dragging me up from the earth to nod and move my arms, to be human again (A run on sentence, and very poetic as well. Depending on what kind of story you're writing, you might want to cut down on the description, because it might turn the reader off.). Somehow the moon found its way onto my shoulders a lot (Somehow needs to be taken out. If this is what happening, than it is only logical that the moon is there. The last two words "a lot" need to be taken out. I'm not sure what you mean by putting them in.)
I know I might seem a little harsh, but I also know that as a writer something that makes sense may not make sense to the reader. Hopefully you get something out of this. The site I mentioned is great for writing help. Just to warn you, if you ever post something on the internet, it is considered published, so watch out how much you put on, since it might hurt if you ever plan on getting your work published. Have fun with your story!