Question:
Opionon on my book...?
2009-06-24 23:56:15 UTC
Dont be to harsh, I'm only 13.

○ As I sat there pondering what was going to happen to me next I started to debate what was worst the smell of this run-down hotel, which made my nose burn because of the rusty blood type smell or the fact i sat there knowing people have died here. I knew my mom would return soon but her job was just so odd. What kind of women would choose a job were you have to investigate old places to see if they can be fixed up, if there haunted, if they need to come down and so on! Anyways this was the first day i came to work with my mom because this hotel was only thirty minutes out of town. My mom said she had to go look around with her co-worker Phil. (Hes a tool, trust me.) Back too my point, i sat her looking over each corner, every inch of this lobby. I pictured what this hotel use to look like but that was far back in the sixties i believe. The lobby had a elegant chandler that had been over run by cob-webs and dust, and the front desk was still intack but nothing else was really in the lobby except a few chairs that where plain, but pretty cozy. Listen too me, I'm sitting in what might be a haunted hotel talking about the comfortable chair I'm sitting in. This is crazy. I decided before i go mad talking about the hotels interior design i might as well go look around. I starting walking towards the stair ways because who knows if the elevator worked, Once i reached the door to the stairways it was locked. Impossible, My mom went through this exact door and she had no keys to lock it. I decided maybe my mom did and i wasnt suppose to go up there so i went back to my cozy chair and sat down and pulled out my phone. I had 7 text messages that i slowly replied too and played a few rounds of brick breaker. What was the hold up? My mom had been up there for atleast an hour. I held down the two and it started calling her. It rang 2 and then answered but hung up, thats strange. Wheres my mom?


Okay thats barely any but i was beginning to spook myself out, lol what did you guys think?
Six answers:
Mara
2009-06-25 00:03:11 UTC
Great job! Interesting story and you have a very good writing style. If you are serious about writing, ask your English teacher for tips on proofreading. There were a few grammar errors and typos, (to, not too) but overall you write better than most adults I know.
Arjun
2009-06-25 00:00:37 UTC
Well the concept is truly and undoubtedly good but needs a lot of editing. For example, you have very long sentences which needs to be broken down.
bato
2009-06-25 00:00:39 UTC
Apart from a few spelling and punctuation mistakes, I would give it a 7/10
2009-06-25 00:02:42 UTC
if this is a part of book then it needs lots of improvement, you have to interest the reader through narrative, make your readers feel what you are experiencing, its so easy to start writing a book and so difficult to complete.
2009-06-25 00:04:15 UTC
Wow. I really quite liked it! I love how you write, I think this is going somewhere..so keep on writing! :)
sarah_sota1997
2009-06-25 00:07:18 UTC
my personal opionon is that you shouln't be like back to my point and stuff like that, but thats just my opionon.


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