What do you think of my writing.....any suggestions?

Question

I wrote about a paragraph out of my fantasy story that I plan on writing for fun soon.Here it is.....

Karen Numasse proceeded cautiously down the dark, rather frightening, hallway that seemed to go on for an eternity. She would never have guessed that this was part of the same structure as the glorious Temple of the Light. Even the lower quarters of the white robes laid several stories above her. The stone floor was damp for some reason and Karen shivered as her foot stomped on something that squished under her weight, then shivered again simply because of the cold. She refrained from looking down at whatever it was she had trodden over, partly because of her fear that it may be yet another deceased rat and partly because she knew it would not have done any good. The corridors of the floors several stories beneath the ground level of the temple were very badly lit, and there were large gaps of darkness between the pools of light that surrounded the lanterns hanging on the walls. The servants often tried to skip their duties when they were ordered to light the lanterns this low in the temple as it was usually useless. Karen stared at every dwindling flame on every lantern that she passed fearing that it may go out any second. She could use Cal’Aldazar to light the hallway easily, but keeping the hallway lit for long would begin to drain her energy slowly, and the Father knew she needed all the energy that she could muster for this task. She scowled and gripped the note she clutched in her hand tighter as she stepped in yet another puddle, causing the hem of her dress to become even damper than before. Father of Light! She could have wept! No, she would not let her guard down; she needed every ounce of concentration she possessed to do this. Grinning slightly with relief as she entered a pool of light, she lifted up the letter that had brought her down here. Unfolding it and carefully smoothing it out, Karen read it yet again…..

excluding the parts that you have to have read the rest of the story to understand,was it interesting?What did you think of it?Any suggestions on how to make it better?Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

That was pretty interesting. I liked it. I pictured it very well in my mind.



Good job. ^_^



Edit: Just so you know, it isn't a good idea to send someone the whole story. They could try and make it their own. Just saying.

Answer 2

Try the following directry...they do swimming wear for greater females however it's also high-quality for pregnant females because it presents help and dosn't make you appear frumpy. My recommendation might be to appear on the web as there are lots of webpages in the market that concentrate on maternity put on that honestly appears exceptional!

Answer 3

Thanx for answering my question, so now I must answer yours! :D



Overall I really, really liked it! LIke ans answer said, it very well pictured in my mind. Your very good at detailing your work, and it seems like it would be a great story!!!! Umm, I'm afraid I can't give you advice, for your style in writing is AWESOME!



I'm very very very very very interested in it!!! It would be cool to see it published!



Ethan (aka THE BOOK READER, :P)



:D

Answer 4

to tell you the truth that was some good writing really descriptive but in my opinion it depends what kind of readers your sending this to even thought it was really interesting and really good this type of writing is even more interesting to grown up im only 15 and i dont like to read alot so this kind of writing makes me sleepy dont get me wrong is really good but i like to read only certain things that i can relate to that is why i told you it all depends for who is directed to but it is some really good writting ^_^

Answer 5

Nice, discriptive. Can you email me with the whole story??