For all teenagers. What do you think of my poem(I'm serious)?

Question

I sit waiting for the end of the world by the river Nile
I choke at the feelings that swell in my heart
I do not know how to explain
I want, I want to die
Still, I am afraid from where I will go
It is like walking in a tunnel blinded by your fears
And guided by your illusions.
Ohh God take away my soul, but leave the pain.

My ego swirls in my chest, asking for more.
The oblivion it faces from the world when no pain dwells with in it
Is like the oblivion you offer when I need you the most.

The river rises and covers me up with raging waves. The fish are smiling at me
Through the droplets of water and I’m dangling away across the mud and stone
Everything swirls in one big hurricane and darkness prevails.
I know, I am dead, Good-bye the sorrows of this world and welcome the pain of afterlife.
Hell shall be my resting place and my biggest sin shall always dwell upon my shoulders.
I waited until God decided to clasp my soul; I should have clasped it myself.
But it’s late and I shall dwell under the writhing blaze of hell wishing for an an uncommitted sin

Answer 1

I think it's dark and twisted. You should probably use elements from Egypt if you're going to label this river as the Nile, so it doesn't seem so random. Why do you want to die? Give vague details about the sorrows you've encountered. And going back to sitting by the river, look up where they believed the world ended and use that. If it is the Nile, sorry for commenting on using other things for it. The second stanza seems to be hypocritical to the others. It's like the person wants to live and wants more, whereas in the other stanzas, the person has given up completely with no hope at all. Build up more to the sin at the end.



But this is a great poem!

Answer 2

for what i read (The first stanza) i would say it would be like the raven...

Answer 3

its great! its about your feelings and its deep.i like this poem =)